August was a horrible month. It started with an email letting me know the results of my mammogram were available. So I clicked and opened. And that’s how I found out I have a lump in my right breast. I did a whole lot of crying because I was terrified.
I needed a biopsy – which was absurdly hard to arrange. All scheduling goes through central scheduling – one of the worst ideas ever. I called. You need prior authorization. Go to the portal and let my doctor know I need prior authorization. Except I didn’t. So I called central scheduling again. My paperwork has been given to “the nurse” who will call me with my appointment date. Except she didn’t. That led to me being hysterical, shouting at the person who answered the phone, telling her I’m an attorney and do I have to sue the crap out of them to get an appointment. Turns out, I had an appointment – for the following Tuesday.
Twice, I asked if there was anything I needed to do for the biopsy. No. Except there was. I arrived at the hospital on Tuesday and was told I couldn’t have the biopsy. Why? I was supposed to have a diagnostic mammogram and ultrasound first. I explained I had asked twice if there was anything I needed to do and was told no. I was then informed they don’t know much at central scheduling. More screaming and a threat to sue the crap out of them. By the time I got home, someone called me and told me the diagnostic mammogram and ultrasound was the following Monday and the biopsy would be the next day.
So I go and get squished and ultrasounded. I arrived at the hospital the next day and couldn’t stop crying while paperwork and such was being done. I really wanted a woman doctor. When it comes to women’s health, male doctors are stupid. But there was no woman doctor. I just want to get this done so I will accept the male doctor.
It was explained that I would get a shot of novocain followed by a larger needle to pull out bits of tissue. I was told that whatever the instrument was for sucking out tissue made a clicking noise like a pen clicking. I wanted to see what the lump looked like. It was on a screen and looked HUGE. “How the hell big is that thing?” 7mm. I can think in metric so I knew it was a small lump. For those who aren’t able to think in metric, the lump is roughly 1/4 inch.
Not wanting to watch someone stick a needle in my breast, I kept my eyes closed. I felt nothing. Not the needle for the novocain going in, not the larger needle used to fetch tissue. However, that click was significantly louder than I anticipated and I flinched. Four bits of tissue had to be removed. There was no more flinching because I felt nothing. After it was over, I told the nurse that the doctor wasn’t as stupid as some. I got to see the bits of tissue. They looked like pink grains of rice.
I’m taking two classes this semester and both were two days after the biopsy. I told my painting teacher that I would likely miss some classes because of the lump in my breast. I also said I was not going to follow the assignment because I had reached a point where it was no longer “I want to make this piece of art,” but was now “I have to make this piece of art.” And so I would be doing a breast lump painting. Because the class is about animals and animal symbolism, I included an abstract of Brady, the World’s Cutest Labradoodle and my service dog.
Shortly thereafter, I got a call from my doctor telling me the lump is benign.
A few days later, the pathology report was ready for me to view. The lump has a ridiculously long name that I can’t pronounce but is abbreviated PASH. It is not cancer, it never will be cancer, and it doesn’t increase my risk for breast cancer. But will it grow larger?
The next week, I got a call from the imaging clinic letting me know the radiologist wanted more images. You couldn’t tell me that before the biopsy? After being squished again and ultrasounded again, I was told the radiologist wanted to talk to me via telephone. Considering what she was about to tell me, it’s a good thing we weren’t in the same room. I have a second lump which I expected. When I read the first mammogram report, the lump mentioned is on the superior side (top) at the 12 o’clock position. The biopsy was on a lump on the underside of my breast. Then, the radiologist casually mentioned I have a third lump. She said these looked like cysts because the edges are smooth. How sure are you that these are cysts? “Pretty sure.” I’m supposed to bet my right breast on pretty sure? These two lumps should have been biopsied when the PASH lump was biopsied. The two new to me lumps are 3 mm and 5 mm. The radiologist tried to explain how big that is and I told her I can think in metric. I was told to come back in six months for another mammogram to see if the lumps had grown. Did I have any questions. No. But only because the questions I had were why the fecal matter couldn’t you figure out before the biopsy that there are three lumps and would you bet your life on someone saying she was pretty sure the lump was benign. And do I have to wait until these lumps are the size of a golf ball before I can get them removed.
I contacted the New Mexico Cancer Center in Albuquerque. I’m so pissed off at how I was treated by the imaging clinic that I refuse to see anyone locally. Albuquerque is three and a half hours north of where I live. The cancer center needs all the images and reports. I spent the following day arranging for everything from January 1, 2023 to September 2, 2026. I’m waiting for a call from the cancer center so I can have an appointment with a female oncologist.
I want these lumps removed. If the radiologist is wrong about the two new to me lumps, I don’t want to wait for them to grow before having them removed. Even if they are benign, there’s no way to know in advance if they will grow. The larger the lumps are when they are removed, the more breast reconstruction I’ll need. Reconstruction is no longer bags of silicone. Fat is removed from the abdomen and placed in the breast. In that case, do some liposuction and give me a pair of Dolly Parton size breasts. It helps to have a warped sense of humor while worrying and wondering if my body is trying to kill me.
The lumps are 3mm, 5mm and 7mm. I have 3mm, 6mm, and 8mm beads. So I made breast lump earrings using beads that are the size of the lumps.
I plan on wearing the pair made with Swarovski crystals for formal occasions. Or for my painting class. Crystals worn with paint splattered painting clothes could be fun.
I’m linking with Nina Marie here: https://ninamariesayre.blogspot.com
My Spoonflower shop is here: https://www.spoonflower.com/profiles/deb_thuman
My online store, Deb Thuman Art, is here: https://www.DebThumanArt.com
