Category: Sketchbook

Posted in Abstract Art, bipolar disorder, Depression, Mental Illness, Psych meds, Sketchbook

Inside Deb’s Brain

Posted on by debthumanblog

Inside Deb’s brain is all manner of odd things.

My doctor knows I adjust the dosage of my antidepressant from time to time. Most of the time, I only need 100mg. When the depression gets bad, I go up to 150mg. When the depression is really bad, I go up to 200mg. Yesterday, I started with 150mg. When I felt dangerously close to suicidal, I took another 100mg for a total of 250mg. I’ve never taken that much before. 

If there’s a reason for my depression, antidepressants don’t do much. If the depression is a function of bipolar disorder, I need as much antidepressant as necessary to keep me above suicidal. A couple hours after I took the final dose, I felt normal. That’s how I know it was bipolar depression. My brain didn’t work properly. Why? Who knows? Certainly not the drug companies. Although they aggressively market selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, no one knows if there is an increase in the available serotonin. Or if any of the reuptake molecules are inhibited. 

It’s unsettling to live with a brain that has a mind of its own. To live with mood swings that aren’t caused by anything that is happening in my life. To constantly wonder if my reaction to something is a function of bipolar disorder or if “normal” people would react the way I’ve reacted. 

For years, I’ve wanted to do an art piece that shows what bipolar disorder feels like. So far, I’ve been unsuccessful. I’ve a final painting assignment for my painting class. We’re supposed to do something that’s post modern. I’ve talked with my teacher and I’m doing something that’s….I’m not sure what it is. I want to show what manic feels like. I want to show what depressed feels like. I want to show what the dreaded mixed episode – simultaneously manic and depressed – feels like. I want to show the thoughts that inhabit those episodes. 

The photo marked #1 is where the idea for the painting started. Using a brown sharpie, I wrote some of the crap my mother said to me. Using a blue sharpie, I wrote how I deal with that crap.  I thought about braiding the strips. Then I thought about sewing the strips onto fabric. I’m not sure what I will do with the strips. 

The photo marked #2 is a more or less final sketch of what the painting will look like. Most people who don’t live with a mental illness aren’t aware that there are levels of depression below suicidal. A depression so deep, you have to feel better in order to kill yourself. It sucks being that far down, but at least I’m safe there. With bipolar disorder, the choices for the mood swings are: Manic, Depressed, Mixed – where one is both manic and depressed. Mixed episodes suck.

I have a form of synesthesia. I see energy flows as colors. When I see purple flooding into my brain, I know I’m healing.

I’m linking with Nina Marie here: http://ninamariesayre.blogspot.com

My Spoonflower shop is here: https://www.spoonflower.com/profiles/deb_thuman

My on-line store, Deb Thuman Art, is here: http://www.DebThumanArt.com

Posted in Fiber, Jewelry, Photography, Quilts, Service Dog, Sketchbook

I Can See Again!!!

Posted on by debthumanblog

Both eyes are fixed and I’m seeing in stereo again. This is good. I’m learning to grab reading glasses when I need to see the computer, read or sew. I used to be able to read and sew without glasses. My eyes have been corrected to overcome the extreme nearsightedness. The right eye, the one that was fixed first, was tested last week. 20/25. The left eye was fixed this past Friday and, although fuzzy, my eye was 20/70. The fuzziness has now disappeared. The vision in my left eye will improve. I’m left-eye dominant so I’m back to being able to look at the world from the left rather than try to look from the right. I need to relearn how to use my camera. For wildlife and landscapes, I would wear prescription sunglasses that were single vision for distance. I’d look underneath my glasses to see the camera settings. Now, I cannot see the settings without reading glasses. This relearning is going to take a while. 

I just put 42 new designs into my Spoonflower shop. I’ve ordered proofs for 42 whole cloth quilt designs. I find writing tags for my designs tedious, and finally decided to skip writing tags to say what the design could be used for. Fabric is fabric. You want to make lingerie from fabric that has a street sign pattern? Go ahead. There are no lingerie police. You want your yoga pants to match your wallpaper? Go ahead. There are no yoga pants police or wallpaper police. You decide what you want to make from my designs. I’m now writing tags just to list the colors and explain the design.  

I ordered proofs of 42 whole cloth quilts on Friday. I should be getting my proofs in a couple weeks. I’m excited about putting them in my Spoonflower shop. 

I’ve been working on figuring out how I want to quilt Ketamine Brain.

I thought about using a different color thread for each quilting design, but now that I see it, I don’t like that idea. I’ll have to look at this for a bit before I make any decisions. If I go with this design, it will be the most complicated quilting design I’ve ever done.

While I was looking for an empty page in my sketchbook, I came across this sketch.

I’m not sure if I want to turn it into a quilt.

I’ve been working on fabric designs again.

I need to think about adding jewelry to my on-line store, Deb Thuman Art. I had intended to sell my latest creations at the local farmers & craft market this month. That’s not going to happen. Jim had surgery to repair a torn rotator cuff a couple weeks ago. He’s not going to be in any shape to put up an EZ-Up. Don’t let the name fool you – it’s only “easy” if two people are getting it set up. Brady isn’t ready to be at the farmers & craft market. Too many people, too many dogs, too many interesting smells. We can’t leave her home because we will be gone about eight hours. That’s too long to leave her in her crate without her having an accident. I’m not interested in finding a gallery in which to sell my work. I, and everyone else I know, has had a miserable experience with galleries. Damaged work. Payments not made. It’s not worth the headache. 

http://ninamariesayre.blogspot.comI’m linking with Nina Marie here: 

My Spoonflower shop is here: https://www.spoonflower.com/profiles/deb_thuman

My on-line store is here: http://wwwDebThumanArt.com

Posted in Photography, Quilts, Sketchbook

Looking For A Happy Quilt But Not Finding One

Posted on by debthumanblog

After five years of making dark quilts about suicide, isolation, sexual assault, and depression, I’m trying to find a happy design I can live with.

I model for the art department and I always pay attention to the critiques because I learn so much from them. One critique was for an assignment to use gray scale for a still life. That got me thinking. We ordinarily think of dark, smaller objects farther away, and lighter, larger objects closer. But what if that were reversed?

I sat down with my sketch book and tried to find something that appealed to me. I like this idea, but I don’t like this sketch. If I changed the shapes into people…..that could be an interesting social commentary.

Usually, the larger objects are in front to show they are closer, but what happens if I put the larger objects in the back? I like this idea as well. I don’t like the sketch.

Right idea, wrong shapes.

Still not right. I’m going to have to give this a rest for a while. Maybe I’m just not ready to leave darkness.

Meanwhile….the cactus are blooming.

The clumps are maybe 10 feet apart, but the colors are different.

My on-line store, Deb Thuman Art is here: http://www.DebThumanArt.com

My Spoonflower shop is here: https://www.spoonflower.com/profiles/deb_thuman

I’m linking with Nina Marie here: http://ninamariesayre.blogspot.com

Where Does Art Come From?

Living with a puppy makes life interesting. Brady has to be by her humans. The sewing room needs to be deep cleaned, but I can’t do that if I’m the only one home. There are way too many places where Brady can hide and leave deposits. Plus, she has only two speeds: Mach III and asleep. Temperatures are hitting 99-104 this week. Brady doesn’t want to be outside when it’s this hot. I suppose if I wore a fur coat, I wouldn’t want to be outside either. Once she has all her shots, I want to get her groomed. I think she would be more comfortable if she has less hair.

Not being able to clean and use the sewing room means binding won’t be put on three quilts and a fourth won’t be quilted. I get spiritually constipated if I don’t make art. Making art without having enough room to make art requires creativity. 

I have a sketch book that contains the drawings from a plant taxonomy class I took, reminders for what to put into the novel, and quilt sketches. I’m a multi-media artists, and my sketchbook reflects that.

These are from my plant taxonomy class. I thought they were something I’d never use again until I looked at them today. There are quilts in these.

These are the germination of quilts. Some have been used after some tweaking. Some might never be used.

Ideas for things to put into the novel I’m writing.

I’m still awaiting the arrival of the fabric I ordered from Spoonflower. I took five of my designs, ordered them in a 4-way stretch lycra, and the fabric will be turned into underwear.

I’m also awaiting an order from Nancy’s Notions. The order was placed May 31, and won’t be here until Friday, June 11. Because of the slow shipping, I probably won’t be ordering from Nancy’s Notions again. Pity – I used to love ordering from them.

I had ordered beads fromJL Dream Works https://www.etsy.com/shop/JLDreamWorks?ref=yr_purchases Great service, and the semi-precious gem beads are all good quality and great prices. It’s nice to have another reliable supplier for beads.

My on-line store, Deb Thuman Art is here: http://www.DebThumanArt.com

My Spoonflower shop is here: https://www.spoonflower.com/profiles/deb_thuman

On June 11, I will be linking with Nina Marie here :http://ninamariesayre.blogspot.com

Status• Posted on by debthumanblog