On October 10, 2023, I was on the receiving end of anti-Semitism. I’m a Jew. I take classes at New Mexico State University, a supposedly inclusive university. The anti-Semitism came in my painting class. Last week, there was a pro-Hamas rally. Don’t kid yourself. This war isn’t between Israelis and Palestinians, it’s between Hamas and Israel. Hamas, considered a terrorist organization by several countries, has a stated purpose to kill Jews and eliminate Israel.
I’ve made arrangements with my teacher to do my painting during open studio time rather than class time and to meet with him for feedback during open studio time. Tomorrow, we have a class critique and I’m having severe anxiety. The last time I had anxiety this bad, I was studying for the New York State bar exam.
Originally, I had started on a series of paintings about childhood memories and nightmares.
This is a childhood memory from when I was probably 3 and it was one of the last times I felt safe when I was a child. My uncle got drafted and sent to Korea shortly after the Korean War ended. If you were a kid, my uncle was the greatest guy on the planet. If you were an adult, he drove you nuts. He was like an over-sized 5-year-old. My grandmother wrote letters to my uncle while he was in Korea. She let me put Xs and Os on the bottom of the letter to signify hugs and kisses. One letter, I put lots and lots and lots of Xs and Os. The letter came back unopened. A few days later, my grandmother got a letter from the government. It took her several days to get up the courage to open the envelop. She thought my uncle had been killed. Nope. He was being discharged from the army and he was coming home. When he arrived, my grandmother made a big meal for everyone. My uncle picked me up and put me in his duffle bag. I thought it was funny. The adults weren’t laughing.
This is a repeating nightmare where I know there’s something evil outside and I want to close and lock the door, but the door doesn’t fit in the doorway.
Mine was the first generation to grow up with The Bomb. These two commemorate the Cuban Missile Crisis. 10-22 was the day JFK announced there were missiles in Cuba and they were put there by the Soviet Union. 10-25 was the day the international pissing contest ended with the Soviet Union retreating and pulling their missiles out of Cuba. The top painting is the fireball that happens immediately after a nuclear explosion. The bottom painting is the radioactive cloud that follows the fireball.
This is one of two paintings that could set off a ****storm and that’s why I’m having extreme anxiety. The painting honors the Israeli soldiers, men, women, and children kidnapped and/or killed by Hamas. It’s actually a study for a fiber piece I want to do.
This one is about how alone and isolated I feel. There are 22K students at NMSU and fewer than 200 Jewish students.
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