Month: October 2023

Posted in Uncategorized

Anxiety, War, Anti-Semitism

Posted on by debthumanblog

On October 10, 2023, I was on the receiving end of anti-Semitism. I’m a Jew. I take classes at New Mexico State University, a supposedly inclusive university. The anti-Semitism came in my painting class. Last week, there was a pro-Hamas rally. Don’t kid yourself. This war isn’t between Israelis and Palestinians, it’s between Hamas and Israel. Hamas, considered a terrorist organization by several countries, has a stated purpose to kill Jews and eliminate Israel.

I’ve made arrangements with my teacher to do my painting during open studio time rather than class time and to meet with him for feedback during open studio time. Tomorrow, we have a class critique and I’m having severe anxiety. The last time I had anxiety this bad, I was studying for the New York State bar exam.

Originally, I had started on a series of paintings about childhood memories and nightmares.

This is a childhood memory from when I was probably 3 and it was one of the last times I felt safe when I was a child. My uncle got drafted and sent to Korea shortly after the Korean War ended. If you were a kid, my uncle was the greatest guy on the planet. If you were an adult, he drove you nuts. He was like an over-sized 5-year-old. My grandmother wrote letters to my uncle while he was in Korea. She let me put Xs and Os on the bottom of the letter to signify hugs and kisses. One letter, I put lots and lots and lots of Xs and Os. The letter came back unopened. A few days later, my grandmother got a letter from the government. It took her several days to get up the courage to open the envelop. She thought my uncle had been killed. Nope. He was being discharged from the army and he was coming home. When he arrived, my grandmother made a big meal for everyone. My uncle picked me up and put me in his duffle bag. I thought it was funny. The adults weren’t laughing.

This is a repeating nightmare where I know there’s something evil outside and I want to close and lock the door, but the door doesn’t fit in the doorway.

Mine was the first generation to grow up with The Bomb. These two commemorate the Cuban Missile Crisis. 10-22 was the day JFK announced there were missiles in Cuba and they were put there by the Soviet Union. 10-25 was the day the international pissing contest ended with the Soviet Union retreating and pulling their missiles out of Cuba. The top painting is the fireball that happens immediately after a nuclear explosion. The bottom painting is the radioactive cloud that follows the fireball.

This is one of two paintings that could set off a ****storm and that’s why I’m having extreme anxiety. The painting honors the Israeli soldiers, men, women, and children kidnapped and/or killed by Hamas. It’s actually a study for a fiber piece I want to do.

This one is about how alone and isolated I feel. There are 22K students at NMSU and fewer than 200 Jewish students.

I’m linking with Nina Marie here: https://ninamariesayre.blogspot.com

My online store, Deb Thuman Art, is here: http://www.DebThumanArt.com

Posted in anxiety, bipolar disorder, Israel

This Shouldn’t Be That Hard

Posted on by debthumanblog

It took a mere 5 hours to set up my iPhone 15. And it still isn’t right. All my data was supposed to transfer from my iPhone 8+ to my iPhone 15. Contacts transferred, but nothing else. I had to manually add some photos. I had to reinstall my apps. I had to do a hard reset and then pair my Apple Watch.

Why did I buy this phone? Because the iPhone 8+ was not holding a charge all that well and it couldn’t be updated with new IOS versions. My Apple Watch cannot be updated unless I update my phone which cannot be updated. Hence, I broke down and bought an iPhone 15. Now, I’m updating my Apple Watch. Per my phone, it will take 3 hours to update. Apparently, I missed a few updates.

After much angst, I settled upon the design for my next painting. The painting will be a study for a fiber piece. In descending order of size, the Stars of David represent: soldiers killed by Hamas, men murdered by Hamas, women murdered by Hamas, children murdered by Hamas.

I’m still furious about what happened in my painting class last Tuesday. In case you missed the previous blog post, here’s what happened.

There is more than one class taking place in the painting studio when my class time is. As I was packing up to leave, a teacher, who isn’t my teacher but who knows me and my art, asked if I had family in Israel. I do not. We spoke briefly about what’s happening and I said that Hamas had kidnapped a Holocaust survivor. At that point, a woman who wasn’t part of the conversation and who was on the other side of the room told us to talk about something else. The woman wears a hijab so I assume she’s Muslim. I was so stunned, I did nothing. 

When I got home, I filed a formal complaint with the appropriate department of the university. I expected them to do nothing, and they met my expectations. The same day, there was a mass email from the president of the university to all faculty and students. We were told if we were having difficulty with current events, to get counseling. I sent a reply saying I didn’t need counseling; I needed to know if the university’s inclusion policy included Jews. I received no response. 

Obviously, I’m on my own and I am armed every time I’m on campus. I carry bear spray and a stun gun both of which are legal in New Mexico. 

I’m old enough (I’m 71) to audit classes for $5 per credit. I’m not working towards another degree and my purpose in taking this class is to improve my painting skill and to have a place to paint. With the exception of Tuesdays and Thursdays from 9-5:30, the painting studio is open to any student who wishes to paint. I prefer working when it’s quiet so utilizing open studio time is perfect for me. My teacher is willing to meet with me during open studio time.

I hate being afraid. I survived 16 years of child abuse. I put myself through college and law school. I’ve been a criminal defense attorney for 29+ years. I’m a fighter. I’m used to fighting alone. I’m still afraid and I’m royally ​****** that I have to fight this battle alone. 

That’s what gave rise to the painting.

I’m linking with Nina Marie here: https://ninamariesayre.blogspot.com

My Spoonflower shop is here: https://www.spoonflower.com/profiles/deb_thuman

My online store is here: http://www.DebThumanArt.com

Posted in Israel

עם ישראל חי

Posted on by debthumanblog

Am Yisrael chai

The people of Israel live.

I hurt inside. Hamas attacked Israel, kidnapped little kids, women, men, elderly Holocaust survivors. I’ve no illusions the victims are still alive. Hamas attacked music festival goers and gunned down people as they tried to run to safety. Hamas screams God is great. I scream you have no God for there is no god of hatred and murder.

I see the photos. The one that hurt the most was of two Israeli soldiers shielding a child as they huddled against a wall while sirens warning of an attack wailed.

Once again, Israel fights for the right to exist. This war isn’t about land or money, or any other tangible. This was is about Hamas, a terrorist organization whose stated purpose is to murder Israelis, attempting to wipe out Israel.

Golda Meir said we have a secret weapon. We have nowhere else to go. She’s right. Nowhere else on earth is it completely safe to be a Jew.

I was on the receiving end of anti-Semitism in my painting class on Tuesday. It came from a Muslim woman. I won’t be attending class for a while. How long a while I don’t know yet. It’s not a lack of courage. It’s a reality that I could very well say something that would make the situation worse and I don’t want to do that. Instead, I’ll be working on my paintings during open studio time. I like working by myself. I like working when it’s quiet. I like working when I can enter the Art Zone and the entire world disappears.

I’ve the start of an idea for a fiber piece about this war. I intend to do a painting as a study for the fiber piece. I want to have the colors worked out before I start cutting fabric.