Some days, bipolar disorder sucks

Some days, and this is one, the best I can do is get through the day without screaming.

I had to go back down on the wellbutrin dose because the brain fog was driving me nuts. Today, I’m irritable and worried that I will eat everything in the house. Wellbutrin takes away the food cravings.

We’re having work done on the heating and cooling. The furnace and air conditioners are 21 years old and cantankerous.  The work is badly needed, but it has disrupted the house. Today is the last day they will be working here which is good because I’m not sure I could get through another day. I wanted to spend the day in the sewing room, but that’s a bad idea. They are working across the hall from the sewing room and I don’t want to be interrupting them every time I need to go in or out of the sewing room.

Brady is going nuts barking and trying to drive off the intruders. I’m not able to deal with a barking dog today. I feel guilty because I’m not being loving to Brady today. She still loves me, though. Amazing how a dog can give unconditional love no matter how the human is feeling.

My ears are messed up again and the vertigo is back. I see the physical therapist tomorrow.

I’m behind in my painting class. This is an independent study and I’m auditing. It’s okay if some of my work is not finished. I’m finishing the 15th and 16th painting this semester. Some of the art majors can’t manage to finish two paintings. Still, I’m bothered by the specter of not finishing my work.

While reading the New York Times this morning, I felt as if I absolutely cannot write. I’m not writing great stuff. I’m writing about bipolar disorder, loving a cop, an officer involved shooting, and the crap that was my childhood.

Both my husband and I need to make some radical changes in our eating for a host of health reasons. Great, but not only don’t I want to cook, I can’t cook for beans.

I only had 3.5 hours sleep, and I want to go back to bed….except I can’t while workmen are here.

Other than that, my life is perfect.

This is what bipolar disorder looks like.