Category: Fiber

Posted in Antisemitism, anxiety, Depression, Embroidery machine, Emotions, Fiber, Grief, Psych meds

Fighting To Get To Center

Posted on by debthumanblog

I more or less survived last week. I’m still alive – which is a major accomplishment. Last week, I wrote about my sister’s yahrzeit and my emotional fallout. Tuesday evening, I lit a candle and said kaddish.

Meanwhile, I’m seeing more and more the effects of the hate crimes and antisemitism are having on me. I’m back on anti-anxiety med. My stomach hurts. I know I need to sleep but I’m wide awake and watching the clock go from 1 AM, to 2 AM and getting more and more anxious as the hands move around the clock.

Clumping around in a boot designed to make sure I don’t aggravate an injured achilles tendon is causing me to have back, hip and leg pain. I’m cleared to go to the gym provided I avoid any machine that involves using my ankles. Except I’m too depressed to go to the gym. I hate this. I’ve had to go back to the full dose of my antidepressant. Being depressed is depressing which causes me to be more depressed. Depression – the ultimate perpetual motion machine.

I have some choices. I’ve contacted an attorney I know who handles civil rights cases. Apparently he’s not interested in my case because I never heard back. I could go to the State Police and ask them to investigate the campus police, but I doubt it would do any good. I could go to the US Department of Justice and ask for help under Title VI, but dealing with the feds means watching cobwebs grow around my case. I could go to the state attorney general although I’ve dealt with the general counsel for higher education who refused to help me. No one cases that Jewish students aren’t safe on campus. I am afraid of being physically attacked on campus. At least my handicap hangtag lets me park next to the door of the art building.

And I’m having a crisis of religion. Not faith – my faith is solid. It’s my temple that gives me pause. It’s a reform temple, and I fit into Reform Judaism. But the temple is now and has been in financial crisis for several years. The board had decided to arbitrarily raise everyone’s dues. They expect 20% of one’s gross income. Unless you earn $120K or more. Then the board expects 2%. Meanwhile, they are squeezing nickels and dimes out of people. There was a Purim celebration and members were asked to bring hamantaschen – special cookies made for Purim. Then, people were asked to pay $7 per family to get in to the celebration. Bring food then pay to eat it.

The only other temple in town is Chabad House. I like the rabbi. I loved the class I took on medical ethics. The rabbi is actively working with the university president to attempt to ensure Jewish students are safe on campus. My rabbi is doing nothing.

Unfortunately, Chabad is orthodox and I’m not. I dislike the separation of men and women under the theory that women will be a distraction to the men. That comes dangerously close to blame the victim. I dislike the limited role women have in orthodox Judaism. Their role is to have kids and have a dead-end job so the husband can spend his days in the library studying. Just one problem….women’s reproductive organs have an expiration date. So what is this woman with limited education and limited skills supposed to do after she can’t have more children?

So what am I to do? I miss going to services but I can’t tolerate the leave it alone and antisemitism will solve itself attitude the reform temple has. I fought too hard to get an education and to be an equally-paid attorney to give up and not be allowed to fully participate in an orthodox temple.

So here I sit. No temple to go to for services. Not going to the gym because I’m too depressed. Clumping around making me more depressed. Bleah.

Posted in bipolar disorder, Child abuse, Depression, Emotions, Fiber, Mental Illness, Photography, Psych meds, PTSD

I’m Not Myself Right Now

Posted on by debthumanblog

I’ve finally reached the point where I can start to integrate the crap that happened to me growing up, feel the feelings it wasn’t safe to feel then, and start to heal both mentally and physically. If you’re wondering what I’m writing about, it’s child abuse. My mother was a violent, drunken narcissist who had four children she didn’t want and made real sure we knew she didn’t want us. Her husband was a violent drunk. By the time I was 10, I had myself and three siblings to raise. I mirrored what I was my mother doing and did a lousy job of raising myself and siblings. I grew up hiding in my room so I wouldn’t have to hear them yell, literally, at me and hit me. I had no idea there was anything unusual about my family. At the age of 9, I had such severe depression that even the kids in my class noticed. One boy asked me what was wrong. His words had to go through many layers of water before I could hear them. Then, I had to formulate an answer, and the words had to go through many layers of water before I could say them. I eventually told him nothing was wrong. I wasn’t lying or covering anything up. I truly had no idea that there was any other kind of family.

I’ve been reading The Body Keeps The Score. It’s not an easy book to read and I can only read it in small doses. I’ve been doing micro-dosing with ketamine for little longer than a year and I finally found a therapist who takes my insurance and accepts new patients. The combination is allowing me to feel what I felt at the time the crap was happening. I’m even getting the stress pains I had at the time. It sucks. But it’s the only way to integrate what happened into whole memories and process them into something I can live with. At the moment, they are fractured memories that cause a plethora of physical problems.

Meanwhile, I’m working my way through the current trauma of a hate crime, antisemitism, and confronting terrorist wannabes – students being manipulated by real terrorists and being conned into thinking antisemitism is a good thing. I’m angry. I’m pissed. I want to scream. I’m considering a civil rights suit against the university.

And so I’m not myself. I’m having reactions out of proportion to events. I’m sounding like a crazed woman. I’m not having fun. It sucks.

Art. It ain’t called art therapy for nothing. I can lose myself in art. I can figure myself out in art. So often, I don’t understand what’s going on inside of me until it comes out of my hands. I’m working on a sequel to the novel I finished. Like the first novel, the main characters are a woman who is my age, Jewish, and a criminal defense attorney. Her lover is a police officer. In the first novel, I wrote about an officer involved shooting, mental illness and people who are homeless. (Unhoused is such a sanitary, offensive PC word and I won’t use it.) This time, I’ll be writing about antisemitism and hate crimes. What’s inside of me needs a voice. I’m considering taking a writing class in the fall. That could be dangerous for me. I’m hoping I can bring Brady, my service dog in training and the world’s cutest labradoodle, to class with me.

I’ve been playing around with my embroidery machine. And I’ve been surfing eBay for embroidery thread bargains. I found a doozy and it will arrive on Monday. I’ve played a bit with making my own designs.

The ferns are my design, the border is a stock design from the embroidery machine.

I bought a set of Hebrew fonts and started playing with them. The Hebrew is shalom. Shalom is one of those multi-purpose words. It’s use for hello, goodby and peace. Peace meaning the absence of war, but also a deep personal inner peace. The Star of David is done with variegated thread and I like how it came out.

We had a particularly bright moon last night. It’s a smidge past full, but well worth photographing. I used a 400mm lens. Sure would be nice to have something like a 12,000 mm lens, but that’s far outside of my photography budget.

I’m linking with Nina Marie here: https://ninamariesayre.blogspot.com

My Spoonflower shop is here: https://www.spoonflower.com/profiles/deb_thuman

My store, Deb Thuman Art, is here: http://www.DebThumanArt.com

Posted in Fiber, Quilts, Sewing

When Does It Stop Being My Quilt?

Posted on by debthumanblog

When is a quilt not my work? When does a tool transform into someone else’s design?

I bought an embroidery machine. I knew I’d like it, I never knew I’d love it and want to use it so much. It has replaced my need to use fancy threads on all sewing projects. Now, all projects have to have embroidery. That’s not a bad thing. Even though I bought the machine, a Babylock Meridian 2, on sale and got a great deal, it wasn’t cheap. If I’m going to have an expensive tool, I want to use it a whole lot.

I found a fantastic sale on trapunto designs – 25 designs regularly $50 marked down to $10. I bought the designs. I started playing around with them wondering what I was going to use them for. Then, I realized, I could use them to make a quilt. Except is that my quilt? Or is it the work of the embroidery designer?

I used some scrap fabric and some thread that I’m not in love with to see how big the designs are and how they look when made.

These were all stitched on a quilt sandwich.

Next, I decided to see what size block the design would fit in. I marked out 12″ 10″ and 9″ squares and experimented. I used leftover muslin from a muslin I made for a dress pattern. Good thing I made the muslin because the size I thought would fit was waaaaaaay too big. Not wanting to waste fabric, I’ve used hunks of that muslin for all sorts of experiments.

The 9″ blocks won.

Then I started playing around.

I decided I dislike the font I used in the top design.

Better font and interesting design but I’ve no idea where I’d use it. Still, fun to play around.

I hand dyed fabric to make a blouse. I decided this would be a nice design to embroider on the blouse. I doubt I’ll use these colors, but I did get an idea of what I wanted.

Or maybe not. I’d have to change the orientation of this one, but I think it would be pretty on a blouse.

What about these? A different orientation could be quite pretty on a garment.

But what if I used more subtle colors of thread?

But back to the quilt question. If I use the designs for quilt blocks, is it still my quilt? Is it my work?

I’m linking with Nina Marie here:https://ninamariesayre.blogspot.com

My online store, Deb Thuman Art is here: http://www.DebThumanArt.com

My Spoonflower shop is here: https://www.spoonflower.com/profiles/deb_thuman

Posted in Embroidery machine, Fiber, Hate Crime, Judiasm, Sewing

Terror

Posted on by debthumanblog

So much has happened this week, and it’s only Wednesday.

Monday was our 52nd anniversary. I had hoped to do something special on our 50th anniversary, but we were having a pandemic and deranged passengers thought it was fun to have a brawl in mid-flight. Not the kind of excitement I was looking for. Brady is learning fast and doing well, but she’s not fully trained yet. I cannot fly with her until she’s fully trained. And so a special cruise is not going to happen for a while.

Today, I get fitted for a boot that will allow me to get around without further damaging my achilles tendon giving the tendon a chance to heal. Also today, we will celebrate our anniversary by going to a restaurant for lunch. Brady will be with us. When we take her with us to a restaurant, we make sure we arrive at an off time. I need a table that’s out of the way and large enough that she can fit under the table. A table in a corner is preferable.

While my tendon heals, I’ve been having to use a walker to get around. I decided to make a bag for my walker. I used a Kwik Sew pattern and the pattern had a few mistakes. I had to redraft the pattern to make the bag 3 inches longer and 1 inch wider. I also needed to adjust the length of the straps that attach the bag to the walker. The strap length of the original pattern was too short.

This was the bag I made with the original pattern.

The new and improved bag. I made it from some upholstery fabric I found for $4.99 a yard at JoAnn’s.

I did an embroidery design on the inside of the flap. No reason why I shouldn’t have something cute to look at when I open the bag. I used proofs of my Spoonflower designs for the lining.

And the back of the bag. I didn’t realize the Star of David didn’t point straight up so I didn’t change the orientation.

My rabbi sent an email to the congregation yesterday. A credible threat had been made to our temple and our congregation. Local police and FBI are investigating. There will be security during services, but a couple rent-a-cops aren’t much of a defense against a terrorist. I’ll be attending services via zoom. I’m so tired of being afraid. I’m so tired of university presidents granting legitimacy to pro-hamas terrorists. I’m so tired of people not taking anti-Semitism seriously. I’m tried of researching military-grade body armor capable of stopping a round from an assault rifle. Unfortunately, the strongest armor is the one class that isn’t made to protect a woman’s body. I’m tired of leaving Brady home because I’m worried that I won’t be able to protect her. When my great-great-grandparents along with my 10-month-0ld great-grandmother left East Prussia, they were disguised as German Lutherans. Now I understand why they hid. I’m torn between wanting to stand up to terrorists and refuse to be bullied into hiding and not wanting to get killed.

I’m linking with Nina Marie here: https://ninamariesayre.blogspot.com

My online store, Deb Thuman Art is here: http://www.DebThumanArt.com

My Spoonflower shop is here: https://www.spoonflower.com/profiles/deb_thuman

Posted in Dyeing, Embroidery machine, Fiber

I’m Having Fun With The Embroidery Machine

Posted on by debthumanblog

And learning.

This is down time for me. The semester has ended. No more trying to paint in the same room with the hate criminal. No more fear of being attacked while walking from my car to the art building. No more terrorist encampments. Now, it’s me time. Time to recuperate. Time to heal. Time to make art. It ain’t called art therapy for nothing.

Threads need to be clipped and it’s a bit off center. And a bit uphill. But it says what I want. Yes, I dyed the tee shirt.

I wanted to make Brady a Pride bandana. I ran out of bobbin thread, hit the wrong button and had to rip out the darker blue hand. Ripping out embroidery is horrible. It’s worse than ripping out an errantly serged seam. I’ve decided that Pride is for diversity and inclusivity and the darker blue hand represents those who have been injured at their workplace. I was all set to sew up the bandana, and discovered the markings I had made had disappeared. I was wondering how long the marks from the markers I recently bought would last. Apparently 2 days is the limit.

This is a hand-dyed tee shirt. I played around with variegated threads. There aren’t rigid categories into which we stuff people. Pick a group. Any group. Is every member the same? Nope. Diversity among the diverse.

Hand-dyed tee shirt with Laurel Burch designs. I didn’t have the exact thread colors, so I decided to wing it. I got some interesting results.

There will be more embroidery. More tee shirts. More bandanas. I went shopping at Sam’s Club and discovered I need some larger size grocery bags for shopping at Sam’s. I make our grocery bags. Some are made out of upholstery fabric. Some are made from hand-dyed muslin. I recently found some upholstery fabric that is a mystery. No idea where it’s from or when I got it. I do know I don’t want to use it for upholstery. Might be good for larger size grocery bags, though.

I need help with my online shop, Deb Thuman Art http://www.DebThumanArt.com What would make my store more attractive? What would bring more traffic to my store?

Spoonflower has changed to an interesting format. I can now proof my designs online rather than ordering proofs. I’ve been adding to my design collections. My Spoonflower shop is here: https://www.spoonflower.com/profiles/deb_thuman

I’m linking with Nina Marie here: https://ninamariesayre.blogspot.com

Posted in Abstract Art, Fiber, Painting, Photography

Getting Some Art Made

Posted on by debthumanblog

I survived critique on Thursday.

This is a mindless landscape I painted so I could have a mental health break from all the emotional paintings I did this semester. This one was fun. It’s not great art, but it was something I needed to give my brain a rest.

I thought this was going to be a fun little painting. I had taken several shots of a smiley moon and did a focus merge. That should have given me one very detailed smiley moon. Something went awry, and I got this wild photo with moons all over the place. I thought it might be fun to paint. Not wanting to use up all my black ink, I put the photo into a negative and printed out something intriguing. I thought it would be a nice abstract design. Then I decided I wanted to work with just one color of paint – Da Vinci Soulshine – plus black and white. And that’s how I got all the colors. I am not thrilled with this painting, but it set off a series of ideas in my head. This will be a series next semester.

The original weird focus merge is below.

Finally a decent photo of the painting about the events of October 7, 2023 as reported in The NY Times (a notoriously anti-Israel newspaper).

I survived facing down terrorists on Monday. Classes are done for the spring semester and I get a three month break before I need to worry about my personal safety again. I didn’t realize how much a hate crime, pro-hamas terrorists on campus, and feeling alone had affected me until I realized I have been six 5 times in 5 months. The last time I was sick this often was when I was in kindergarten. I had never been around kids until I started school and there were no vaccines against childhood diseases back then. I had both kinds of measles, mumps, and chickenpox all while I was in kindergarten. Since the first week of December, I’ve had covid (and I’m fully vaccinated and boosted), bronchitis, a UTI, an infected hair follicle, and the flu. I haven’t had bronchitis in about 15 years. I haven’t had the flu in about 20 years (I get a flu shot every year). I haven’t had a UTI in at least 5 years. I’ve never had an infected hair follicle. After finally finding a therapist who would take my insurance, I started therapy this past Tuesday.

I bought an embroidery machine, bought some additional embroidery patterns, and dyed some tee shirts.

A bit off center, but I’m learning. This is the small version of the Star of David. I’d like to try the large version – maybe on a tote bag. But I like how the dye came out on the tee shirt.

Now that I’m 71-year-old walker pushing bad ass who doesn’t back down from terrorists, perhaps I need an appropriately bad ass tattoo. I’m not a tattoo kind of person. Tattoos to me are like wallpaper. If I paint a room and get tired of the color after a few years, I go to the store, buy more paint, and repaint the room. Easy. Wallpaper is another matter. Putting wallpaper up is a PITA and taking wallpaper off the wall is a PITA times a factor of 10. Tattoos are like wallpaper and I get bored too easily. So, no tattoos for me. But I have having major emotional fallout and I went in search of an appropriately bad ass type tattoo. I didn’t find anything remotely bad ass. I did find a tattoo that said: Have The Courage To Live, anyone can die. I thought the last part was superfluous, so I embroidered Have the COURAGE to LIVE onto a tee shirt I had dyed.

I took the third tee shirt I had dyed and added Laurel Burch designed. The shirt looks much better now that I’ve removed the thread lines and washed the shirt. Laurel Burch designs are fun….especially considering I’ve a penchant for variegated threads. Makes for stripes in odd places, but cute nonetheless.

At the moment I’ve got three dye buckets going. Three tee shirts and enough cotton fabric for four large dog bandanas. I intend to embroider on all the tee shirts and bandanas.

I’m linking with Nina Marie here: https://ninamariesayre.blogspot.com

My on-line store, Deb Thuman Art is here: http://www.DebThumanArt.com

My Spoonflower shop is here: https://www.spoonflower.com/profiles/deb_thuman

Posted in Brady, Dyeing, Fiber, Judiasm

Happy Birthday Brady

Posted on by debthumanblog

Brady, the world’s cutest labradoodle, will be celebrating her third birthday on Tuesday.

Brady is learning to be my service dog, and we had a service dog group session yesterday. To celebrate her birthday, I made 20 hand-dyed dog bandanas. The humans for the four other dogs in the service dog group picked out bandanas for their dogs.

Rather than doing tie dye with string, I used binder clips to make a resist.

We’re having a critique in my painting class on Tuesday. I thought I was done with three self-portraits, but I saw a fourth in my head and it demanded to be painted.

The word on the yellow painting is the Hebrew word for life.

The words on the green painting are the Hebrew for “I am,” and “I will be.”

I still have no voice on campus, but I will not be silent.

Posted in Fiber, Law, Photography, Quilts

30

Posted on by debthumanblog

When I was in college majoring in journalism, -30- meant the end of the article, story, commercial. That’s not exactly what the 30 at the top of this post means. February 14, 1994, I was admitted to practice law in New York State. I had graduated from law school in May 1993, took the bar exam July 1993, got the results the day before Thanksgiving, and finally got admitted to practice more than two months later.

What has happened in the last 30 years? I ran my own law practice and practiced law not knowing what I was doing. I did it anyway. I got admitted to practice in Federal District Court in 1996. In 1997, I appeared before the Supreme Court of the United States and was admitted to practice. I figured if any of my cases went up to the Supreme Court, I wanted to go with them. Later that year, I did my first felony trial and won. It was one of the cases that came out of The Trooper and Indian War where the governor declared a tax war on the Native American tribes. I moved 2000 miles across the country in 1999 to work for the New Mexico Public Defender Department and retired 16 years later. During the last 30 years, I’ve done more than 120 trials, handled at least a dozen appeals. Argued before the New York State Supreme Court Appellate Division twice. Argued before the New Mexico Supreme Court three times. I’ve represented kids and adults; misdemeanors and felonies; custody and visitation. Twice, I had cases that had the potential to be death penalty cases. On February 14, 2024, I surprised myself when I said I had been a pretty good criminal defense attorney. Past tense. Except I’m not ready to quit.

I have a Spoonflower shop here: https://www.spoonflower.com/profiles/deb_thuman and I’ve got collections for Judiac, Irish Chain variations, Log Cabin variations, Panels and Whole Cloth. The panels and whole cloth are single yards of fabric with the design in the middle of the piece of fabric. Great for when you want something quilted but don’t want to make a pieced quilt. There’s also designs for yardage. Spoonflower will make linens and pillows using my designs.

Those are some of the panels/whole cloth designs. I used Text Mask along with a manipulated photo – these were done using a winter scene – and chose dingbats rather than a traditional font. Some of those dingbats are fascinating.

My store, Deb Thuman Art is here: http://www.DebThumanArt.com

I’m linking with Nina Marie here: https://ninamariesayre.blogspot.com

I’m linking with Finished Or Not Friday here: https://alyciaquilts.blogspot.com

Posted in Fiber, Photography, Snow

It’s Worse Than I Thought

Posted on by debthumanblog

We had snow this morning. Once every year or so, we get snow here. I’m in southern New Mexico about 30 miles north of the Mexican border. Snow doesn’t last long; it’s usually gone by about 10:00 AM.

I woke up at 7:00, looked outside, put on shoes, a jacket, hat, left my pajamas on, and went outside to photograph the landscape. I took 111 shots, deleted 2, and edited 49. I dislike all of them. I doubt they are all bad, but none look exciting to me. I wish this malaise were gone. Normally, I find photography exciting and I find photographing snow in the desert to be particularly exciting and challenging. Snow does weird things to white balance and exposure. Snow requires a whole lot of editing to look natural and properly exposed.

Snow on red yucca seed pods.

We don’t get icicles here but sometimes there are ice drops on the ends of twigs, leaves and cactus spines.

Claret cup cactus.

What caused this malaise? The horrors of war in Israel? Maybe although I’m less emotional now than I was in October. Depression? I don’t think so. I’m well medicated and the ketamine sessions are helping me be more stable than I’ve been in a very long time. I feel as if I were running through Jello.

A requirement of my painting class is to submit work to the Juried Student Art Snow at NMSU. My art is so far out there and so different from anything that is taught, that my work is never accepted. Maybe it’s the thought of yet another rejection that’s contributing to this malaise. Maybe the snow on the yucca seed pods above is good enough. Maybe someday, I’ll figure out what really matters is do I consider my work good enough. Judges tend to be blind and judges for school art shows tend to reject anything that isn’t taught at the university.

I’ve been working on fabric designs including panels for my Spoonflower shop. 

You can find my shop here: https://www.spoonflower.com/profiles/deb_thuman

Looking for a Post-Valentine’s Day gift for your sweetie? My online store, Deb Thuman Art, contains one of a kind jewelry and bandanas for your furry sweetie. My store is here: http://www.DebThumanArt.com

Posted in Fiber

Fabric Stuff and Jewelry Stuff

Posted on by debthumanblog

I’ve been trying to make my Spoonflower shop easier to navigate. The entire shop is here: https://www.spoonflower.com/profiles/deb_thuman

Some of my designs are from photographs I’ve taken and then manipulated. Some of my designs are from drawings I’ve made. I have been putting designs into public collections so all of one type of design is in one place. If it’s in a public collection, it’s for sale. If it’s not for sale, it’s in a private collection, which you can’t access, waiting for me to order proofs so I can move it to a public collection.

The whole cloth designs are here: https://www.spoonflower.com/collections/782469-whole-cloth-designs-by-deb_thuman These are geometric designs that are suitable for making an art quilt without doing any piecing.

The Judiac designs are here: https://www.spoonflower.com/collections/782472-judiac-by-deb_thuman There aren’t a whole lot of them. I started by playing with designs based on Hanukkah candles.

The Irish Chain Variations are here: https://www.spoonflower.com/collections/719273-irish-chain-variations-by-deb_thuman These are designs I’ve drawn. I start with squares, and then start playing.

The Log Cabin Variations are here: https://www.spoonflower.com/collections/735809-log-cabin-variations-by-deb_thuman I started with the classic idea of a log cabin design, then went a little crazy.

I’ve been putting jewelry into my online store, Deb Thuman Art, here: http://www.DebThumanArt.com

Anyone who thinks having an online store is easy doesn’t have an online store. I take photos. Then I have to do editing and resizing. Then I have to upload photos, write copy, and post the piece of jewelry. Next, I have to go to my store and see what that post looks like. Sometimes, and I’ve never figured out why, the photos just do not work. I’ll have only part of the photo showing. Then, I have to remove that listing, retake photos, and try again.

If you tried to visit my store recently and gotten a warning page instead, please try again. I got hacked. I changed my password, then worked with Wix to get rid of the warning page and make sure there is nothing evil on the page that will cause havoc for your computer.

One of the new pieces in my store.

Posted in anxiety, Bigotry, Brady, Depression, Fiber, Israel, Judiasm, Quilts

Alone In A Sea of Hate

Posted on by debthumanblog

Every time I think I’m over reacting, I realize what happened is worse than I thought. First, I thought the person’s reaction was odd. Then, I realized it was anti-semitism. Then, I discovered the person slandered me. Then I discovered the university views slander as protected speech. It’s not; but I know the attorney who made that decision and I’m not surprised by such a glaring misstatement of law.

22K+ students at NMSU, and I’m the lone Jew. Hillel has no presence on campus. Chabad has no presence on campus. In 44 semesters of continuing education, only twice was there another Jew in my class.

I’m alone.

I’m armed at all times when I’m on campus. I carry pepper gel and a stun gun. I have a safety plan in place. I have the campus police telephone number programmed into my phone.

According to the president of the university, if I’m upset by what’s happening in Israel, I should go to counseling. According to the Office of Institutional Equity, if I’m upset by the hate crime hurled at me, I should go to counseling.

This past Tuesday, I went to the campus police to report that what I thought was odd, rose to the level of a hate crime pursuant to New Mexico law. Knowing I couldn’t manage without Brady, my service dog in training, I took her with me. I had to hug her twice just to get through the day.

After taking to the police, I was so upset about being on the receiving end of a hate crime, I couldn’t eat and could not enjoy the drink I ordered at Starbucks. Brady and I explored the library. Here she is looking at books and searching for the book with the recipes for dog treats.

I had arranged to meet with my painting teacher outside of the painting studio. It was a good plan. Except I had to go into the painting studio to fetch my paintings and the hate criminal was in the painting studio.

The next morning, I woke up and decided the hate criminal had taken all she was going to take away from me and I was taking back my life. The hate criminal isn’t done with me yet. Apparently, she has the mental capacity of a 12-year-old and is doing petty, childish things just to piss me off. I’m doing my best to ignore her. She’s not going away, but neither am I.

My art has changed.

It’s not finished and the painting is on an easel so there’s only so much I can do to eliminate the background.

Also not finished and also still on the easel. Suddenly, I’m painting about being alone, I’m facing evil, and no one is going to help me. I’m trying not to hate Muslims. I’m trying to remember that Muslims are not terrorists and terrorists are not Muslims. Terrorists worship hatred and murder. News organizations have gotten recordings of terrorists’ cell phone calls bragging about murdering Jews on October 7, 2023.

According to the Anti-Defamation League, “Since the October 7th terrorist massacre by Hamas in Israel, we’ve seen a nearly 400 percent increase in antisemitic incidents across the United States.”

The fact that the crap that has happened to me is happening to Jewish students on college campuses across the country doesn’t make me feel better. There’s a new rallying cry at Columbia law school: Fuck Jews.

I’m alone.

I’m scared.

I have only myself to rely on to protect me.

The last time I had this much anxiety, I was studying for the NY bar exam.

Posted in Fiber, Photography, Sewing

Banging My Head On My Desk

Posted on by debthumanblog

Anyone know why wordpress will not let me access my account on Opera? Yes, I tried. No, it will not take my email address. No, it will not take my username. No, it will not let me use a link sent to my email. I’m starting to hate wordpress.

Sew lots and lots of dog bandanas. Check.

Figure out how to photograph dog bandanas. Check.

Photograph dog bandanas. Check.

Edit photos of dog bandanas. Check.

Upload photos of dog bandanas to my store, http://www.DebThumanArt.com Check.

Write copy for dog bandana listings. Check.

Put listings into my store. Check.

Send photo of each listing to my personal Facebook page. Check.

Send photo of each listing to my Facebook business page, Deb Thuman’s New and Improved Art Page. Check.

Move photos from laptop to iPad. Check.

Figure out how to get the photos onto Instagram. Check.

Wonder why I bother with Instagram. Check.

Get photos and link to my store onto Instagram. Check.

Send photos to google photos. Check.

And that’s why I didn’t get much done today.

I spent a good part of the week tweaking a bra pattern. I’m determined to make a bra that fits and is comfortable. The first three versions weren’t right, but each was closer to being right than the preceding version. I had to dig out my copy of Bra Maker’s Manual to find out how to solve the drooping problem. I need to alter the pattern piece for the upper cup slightly. I also need to alter the back slightly so I can attach the straps closer to the middle of the back of the bra. I hope that solves the falling strap problem. Once I get all the tweaks worked out, there will be photos.

I’m linking with Nina Marie here: https://ninamariesayre.blogspot.com/

My store, Deb Thuman Art is here: http://www.DebThumanArt.com

My Spoonflower shop is here: https://www.spoonflower.com/profiles/deb_thuman

Posted in Dyeing, Fiber, Sewing

Sewing & Dyeing

Posted on by debthumanblog

I’ve been sewing. And dyeing. I altered a pattern to make tee tops, and tweaked again to make tops from woven fabric.

For the most part, I like these tops. I think they would have been more successful in a different fabric. These are all made from 100% cotton. I’d like to try sewing with batiste, but there’s no batiste for sale locally. I could order batiste online, but I’ve never worked with batiste and I’d like to be able to feel the fabric before buying.

The 100% cotton knit tops were more successful and incredibly comfortable. I bought 10 yards of white cotton knit from Dharma Trading with the intention of making tee tops. Wrestling 10 yard of 60″ wide fabric isn’t easy and I wish I had a 30′ long cutting table. I used an eight foot long table and set it up in the kitchen. After I got the tee tops made, I dyed them. There are five tops and three are solid colors. Here are the wild ones.

I folded the fabric horizontally and then tied it with strips of fabric. The design is a bit more subtle than I anticipated, but I like it.

For this one, I tied buttons into the fabric and used twist ties to hold the buttons in place. The trick is to make sure none of the circles fall on an embarrassing part of the body.

I’m linking with Nina Marie here: https://ninamariesayre.blogspot.com/

My online store, Deb Thuman Art, is here: http://www.DebThumanArt.com

My Spoonflower shop is here: https://www.spoonflower.com/profiles/deb_thuman

Posted in Fiber, Photography

How Many Designs Can Dance On The Head Of A Pin ?

Posted on by debthumanblog

Lots.

Start here. It rained overnight, and I got up just in time to photograph water drops on a white yucca bloom.

Play with orientation.

All of the fancy effects are from a mostly free editing app, PhotoScape X. It’s available for both Mac and PC. Most of the app is free, but for a one-time charge of $40, you get the whole app and it’s updated regularly.

Next, I upload the photos to Spoonflower and I start designing. When I have enough designs, I order proofs. When the proofs come back, I put the designs in my Spoonflower shop.

My Spoonflower shop is here: https://www.spoonflower.com/profiles/deb_thuman

Deb Thuman Art is here: http://www.DebThumanArt.com

I’m linking with Nina Marie here: https://ninamariesayre.blogspot.com/

Posted in bipolar disorder, Depression, Fiber, Photography

Has It Stopped Hurting Yet?

Posted on by debthumanblog

I’m filled with unease. Unsatisfaction. Emptiness. Depression. There’s an unspeakable lack inside. Something so basic, and something which cannot be discussed. Discussion won’t fill the emptiness. I know; I’ve tried. I don’t have any answers. At least I’m not suicidal. Yet this misery disappears as quickly as it appears. While it’s here, I think whatever art I’m working on sucks. The photos I take don’t amaze me, yet I can’t tell if they are bad shots. The necklaces I’m working on look ugly to me. There’s no magic in them.

I’m about to embark on another Magical Mystery Ketamine Tour. I have a zoom meeting on Tuesday. I’ll get sent my supply of Ketamine and I will be working on how to love myself.

I’ve finished writing the novel. Now, I need to find an agent; but to do that, I need to distill 43,000 words into one gut-grabbing sentence. Writing the novel was easier. In the meantime, I’ve started writing the second novel. I’m not looking forward to writing pages only to discard them. It’s the only way I know to write a novel.

I’ve been working on some fabric designs. I’m waiting for a good sale at Spoonflower so I can get 168+ designs proofed.

I’ve been playing around with lines and dots.

And squiggles

I love designing with metallic colors.

I think this one might work with the kaleidoscope faces for Apple Watch.

This one is just for fun. I may do some more faces.

There’s a fairy ring in the back yard. It’s not made of mushrooms and toad stools. This one is made of yucca plants. The circle of yuccas was growing wild, and we left it where it was. We’ve been here 21 years and this is the first time the fairy ring bloomed.

Fairy ring.

Blossoms hiding among the leaves.

This was a tough one to expose. Get the plant exposed properly, and the sky blows out. Get the sky exposed properly, and the plant is black.

Peek a boo.

I haven’t decided if I like this next shot. I usually avoid the traditional golden hours when the world has a golden cast. When I got up yesterday, I saw the fairy ring, and started photographing the blooms in the back yard.

I’m linking with Nina Marie here: https://ninamariesayre.blogspot.com/

My Spoonflower shop is here: https://www.spoonflower.com/profiles/deb_thuman

My online store, Deb Thuman Art is here: http://www.DebThumanArt.com