Category: Abstract Art

Posted in Abstract Art, Child abuse, Judiasm

Trying to figure out what’s next

Posted on by debthumanblog

Some people wear their heart on their sleeve. I wear my heart on my art. I know what I want to say, but I haven’t figured out how I want to say it although I have some ideas.

I have my grandmother’s candlesticks. We always had candles on the table for holiday dinners. My family came from Dittersdorf, East Prussia cleverly disguised as German Lutherans. It took a lot of research, 120 years, and pure dumb luck discovering my grandmother’s bad German was Yiddish to see past the disguise. It wasn’t safe to be openly Jewish when my great-great-grandparents arrived in America although Jewish traditions were kept. Sort of. Cleaning had to be done on Friday and only on Friday. When I was little, we didn’t go anywhere on Saturday. And lit candles had to be on the table for holiday dinners. Jim’s family was different. On the rare occasions there were candles, they weren’t lit. We lost sight of who we are and what we believe since 1888 when my great-great-grandparents arrived in America. But we’ve kept our traditions. Now, I keep our faith and I don’t hide the fact I’m Jewish even though being openly Jewish right now is dangerous. This piece could work as either a quilt or a painting.

This is about child abuse and how I would hide from my mother and The Drunk. I would like it to be on three levels. Blue on the bottom, gray in the middle and green on the top. After the inauguration in 2017, I was so angry, I made a quilt featuring a life-size, nearly anatomically correct, 3-d depiction of a vulva – complete with a Swarovski crystal for the clitoris. It was quite the challenge to figure out how to sew it onto the quilt and then to actually sew it onto the quilt. I don’t think I want to try a 3-d quilt again. I’m not sure this would work as a flat quilt.

It could be a painting. I’d need Jim to make the “canvas” out of wood and float the gray and green levels. My painting teacher would like to see more work where Jim helps me fashion the “canvas.”

Eventually, I’ll get it all figured out.

I’m linking with Nina Marie here: https://ninamariesayre.blogspot.com/2025/01/american-art-and-portraiture-on-off.html

My store, Deb Thuman Art, is here: http://www.DebThumanArt.com

My Spoonflower shop is here: https://www.spoonflower.com/profiles/deb_thuman

Posted in Abstract Art, Fiber, Painting, Photography

Getting Some Art Made

Posted on by debthumanblog

I survived critique on Thursday.

This is a mindless landscape I painted so I could have a mental health break from all the emotional paintings I did this semester. This one was fun. It’s not great art, but it was something I needed to give my brain a rest.

I thought this was going to be a fun little painting. I had taken several shots of a smiley moon and did a focus merge. That should have given me one very detailed smiley moon. Something went awry, and I got this wild photo with moons all over the place. I thought it might be fun to paint. Not wanting to use up all my black ink, I put the photo into a negative and printed out something intriguing. I thought it would be a nice abstract design. Then I decided I wanted to work with just one color of paint – Da Vinci Soulshine – plus black and white. And that’s how I got all the colors. I am not thrilled with this painting, but it set off a series of ideas in my head. This will be a series next semester.

The original weird focus merge is below.

Finally a decent photo of the painting about the events of October 7, 2023 as reported in The NY Times (a notoriously anti-Israel newspaper).

I survived facing down terrorists on Monday. Classes are done for the spring semester and I get a three month break before I need to worry about my personal safety again. I didn’t realize how much a hate crime, pro-hamas terrorists on campus, and feeling alone had affected me until I realized I have been six 5 times in 5 months. The last time I was sick this often was when I was in kindergarten. I had never been around kids until I started school and there were no vaccines against childhood diseases back then. I had both kinds of measles, mumps, and chickenpox all while I was in kindergarten. Since the first week of December, I’ve had covid (and I’m fully vaccinated and boosted), bronchitis, a UTI, an infected hair follicle, and the flu. I haven’t had bronchitis in about 15 years. I haven’t had the flu in about 20 years (I get a flu shot every year). I haven’t had a UTI in at least 5 years. I’ve never had an infected hair follicle. After finally finding a therapist who would take my insurance, I started therapy this past Tuesday.

I bought an embroidery machine, bought some additional embroidery patterns, and dyed some tee shirts.

A bit off center, but I’m learning. This is the small version of the Star of David. I’d like to try the large version – maybe on a tote bag. But I like how the dye came out on the tee shirt.

Now that I’m 71-year-old walker pushing bad ass who doesn’t back down from terrorists, perhaps I need an appropriately bad ass tattoo. I’m not a tattoo kind of person. Tattoos to me are like wallpaper. If I paint a room and get tired of the color after a few years, I go to the store, buy more paint, and repaint the room. Easy. Wallpaper is another matter. Putting wallpaper up is a PITA and taking wallpaper off the wall is a PITA times a factor of 10. Tattoos are like wallpaper and I get bored too easily. So, no tattoos for me. But I have having major emotional fallout and I went in search of an appropriately bad ass type tattoo. I didn’t find anything remotely bad ass. I did find a tattoo that said: Have The Courage To Live, anyone can die. I thought the last part was superfluous, so I embroidered Have the COURAGE to LIVE onto a tee shirt I had dyed.

I took the third tee shirt I had dyed and added Laurel Burch designed. The shirt looks much better now that I’ve removed the thread lines and washed the shirt. Laurel Burch designs are fun….especially considering I’ve a penchant for variegated threads. Makes for stripes in odd places, but cute nonetheless.

At the moment I’ve got three dye buckets going. Three tee shirts and enough cotton fabric for four large dog bandanas. I intend to embroider on all the tee shirts and bandanas.

I’m linking with Nina Marie here: https://ninamariesayre.blogspot.com

My on-line store, Deb Thuman Art is here: http://www.DebThumanArt.com

My Spoonflower shop is here: https://www.spoonflower.com/profiles/deb_thuman

Posted in Abstract Art, Embroidery machine, Garden, Photography

I bought an embroidery machine

Posted on by debthumanblog

It’s a Babylock Meridian 2 – a stand alone embroidery machine. I have a Pfaff Quilt Expression 4.2 sewing machine which I love, so there’s no need for me to have a combination sewing and embroidery machine.

I had my first lesson yesterday. We made a gnome appliqué and attached it to a tea towel.

I had died a length of linen a gorgeous shade of green. And then discovered there isn’t enough fabric to make a pair of slacks. I’m not sure if I’m going to make shorts or a blouse out of the fabric. At the moment, I’m working on a pair of slacks made from a print of eyes. Lots and lots of eyes. Here’s looking at you, kid. .

The iris are blooming. It’s a short iris season here in the desert.

We had a smiley moon the other night. It was setting so I had to take photos fast. I was having problems with the exposure. Fortunately, I was shooting in RAW and was able to retrieve the images.

Next, I decided to take all of the shots and do a focus merge. Usually, the images line up. This was not usually.

I want to use this as the starting point for an abstract painting. I needed to print the photo, but I didn’t want to use all that black ink. So I made a negative and I’ll use that to guide my painting.

Lots of new designs in my Spoonflower shop. Squiggles collection: https://www.spoonflower.com/collections/834692-squiggles-by-deb_thuman

Panels collection: https://www.spoonflower.com/collections/735824-panel-by-deb_thuman

Hearts collection: https://www.spoonflower.com/collections/800489-hearts-by-deb_thuman

Log Cabin Variations collection: https://www.spoonflower.com/collections/735809-log-cabin-variations-by-deb_thuman

Irish Chain Variations collection: https://www.spoonflower.com/collections/719273-irish-chain-variations-by-deb_thuman

My online store, Deb Thuman Art, http://www.DebThumanArt.com

I’m linking with Nina Marie here: https://ninamariesayre.blogspot.com

Posted in Abstract Art, Memories, Photography

Month end, nightmares, memories

Posted on by debthumanblog

End of the month.

It’s when our pension checks arrive and I get to move money around to assorted savings accounts.

It’s when I email the practice log to Brady’s trainer. The practice log lists all the adventures we’ve had during the month.

It’s when I put everything onto an external storage disk.

It’s when I turn a month’s worth of RAW shots into JPEG shots. RAW documents are huge and eat up space on the laptop.

It’s when I clean off the laptop desktop leaving only those files I need to have handy.

This month, it’s also when I wonder when my new laptop will arrive. The current laptop is starting to fail. Before it dies, I need to get a new laptop. This laptop has 500 GB of storage. It has 16 GB of memory. The new laptop that I ordered will have 1TB of storage and 24 GB of memory. I ordered larger memory because I’m tired of getting messages that RAM is almost all used up. I’m hoping with 1 TB of storage that I’ll only have to do end of month laptop chores every other month.

I’m not looking forward to the new laptop. It means I have to move things from one laptop to another and I don’t know how to do that. It means I will need to move music from one laptop to another, and I don’t know how to do that. I used to be able to do that by putting all the music on a usb drive and manually transferring from the usb drive to the new laptop. Except something has changed with the music and I haven’t figured out how to get the music onto a usb drive. I’m going to set up an appointment with the Apple folks at the campus bookstore to do all this fun stuff for me.

I’ve been doing some night photography. Last night, the full moon was partially covered by clouds. Because I shoot in RAW, I was able to tweak the photo in editing and the result is pretty much what I saw last night.

We’ve finally had rain, and I’ve been photographing what’s blooming.

Originally, I was going to work on realism this semester in my painting class. That didn’t work out.

I thought this was a landscape until I figured out it was art therapy. I see myself as the water under the glacier and I’m slowly coming out from a lifetime of misery.

Then, I started working on memories from when I was a little kid.

My grandmother, who couldn’t see across the room because she was too vain to wear glasses, insisted she could see sputnik.

There used to be magic in the night sky. The moon was made of green cheese. Or was hollow. Or was a giant dust bunny. As soon as Neil Armstrong’s boot touched the surface of the moon, the magic was gone. We traded magic for knowledge. I wanted to put the magic back into the moon so I painted it pink.

From there, I moved on to my childhood nightmares about nuclear war. Mine was the first generation to grow up with The Bomb. I had nightmares of burning skeletons. That morphed into repeating nightmares. One is of my teeth breaking. My mother thought teeth were a temporary nuisance and figured if she didn’t have teeth her kids didn’t need teeth. When I did finally have a tooth that crumbled, I got hysterical when the dentist told me I would need to have what was left of the tooth extracted. Losing a tooth meant my mother won and that would be a catastrophe.

I have ideas for another two paintings. One is a repeating nightmare where I cross Niagara Falls by walking from stepping stone to stepping stone terrified I will fall. Another is still forming in my head and I’m not sure I can accurately paint it.  

I’m linking with Nina Marie here: https://ninamariesayre.blogspot.com/

My Spoonflower shop is here: https://www.spoonflower.com/profiles/deb_thuman

My online store is here: http://www.DebThumanArt.com

Posted in Abstract Art, Photography

Art Therapy

Posted on by debthumanblog

Whether I want to or not, I paint art therapy rather than art. I don’t do pretty. I probably can’t do pretty. I do kick you in the gut.

Lately, I’ve been painting social commentary.

My original intention was to paint a scene from a park in Tucson, Arizona from one of the many photos I took when we visited the park. Instead, I made social commentary. When I was in law school, I had to take a course in natural resources. One day, I decided I had enough and complained that no one was seeing any inherent value in land or animals. Land has no value until you bulldoze it, remove every plant, and slap tract housing or a strip mall on it. Animals have no value until you kill them and rip their skin off. If animals had value, there would be no steel leg traps. Here in the southwest, desert is land with no value. City boundaries are extended every time a developer wants to put up tract housing and plant grass. We’re on year 20 of a serious drought, and people still insist on having grass in the desert. We’ve got a desert yard and only stuff that grows naturally in the desert is planted in the yard. I think we could put a dent in the water shortage by doubling the property taxes on any real estate that has grass.

If you see a saguaro cactus east of Tucson, it was stolen. Saguaros grow for about 70 years before getting their first “arm.” Apparently, saguaros only have value when they are ripped up and planted in someone’s yard.

There is no ocean front property in Hawaii. The beaches and access to the beaches belong to the people. This is from a photo I took when we visited the north shore of Oahu. The north shore is V shaped, and this beach is in the bottom of the V. Pipeline – the most deadly place to surf on the planet – is to the east towards the top of the V. I’m not happy with the painting. I don’t like how the water looks, but when I tried to fix it, it didn’t get fixed.

I didn’t realize I had neglected to move the chain out of the way before I took the shot. The blue in the middle is a Hebrew word meaning life. This one is both personal and political. People have been trying to wipe us out for 6000 years. We’re still here. My mother tried to destroy me. I’m still here.

The original is a photo I took for a photography class last spring. I introduced the photo by saying if you don’t know what these are, you had better learn because you might need them. I need to change the introduction a bit. If you don’t know what these are, you better learn because you will need them. These are DIY instruments often made from coat hangers. The instrument on the left spreads the cervix making room for the instrument on the right which scrapes away the lining of the uterus. A few years back, I had a biopsy and discovered that I have a septate uterus. For those women having a uterus like mine, pregnancy is life threatening. There’s a 90% chance of a miscarriage if a woman has a septate uterus. Now, with doctors too terrified (or too chickenshit) to remove the remains of a partial miscarriage, women are being sent home from emergency rooms so they can bleed to death in the comfort of their own home. If they become septic and are close to dead, they will be allowed back into the hospital where they will listen to some ob/gyn try to talk them into having a hysterectomy.

I’ve been doing some photography. My photography at least is art rather than a kick in the gut. Spring in the desert comes with blooms that don’t last long.

These are shots from a red yucca growing in our front yard.

These shots are of the magic prickly pear in our front yard. During the day, the flowers are yellow – just like every other prickly pear cactus in our yard. In the morning and early evening, the flowers are peach colored. I’ve no idea why that happens.

I have two posts this week. The other post, which is here: https://debthumanblog.com/2023/05/06/this-weekend-will-again-be-painful/ is about the annual misery I go through around mother’s day.

I’m linking with Nina Marie here: https://ninamariesayre.blogspot.com/

Deb Thuman Art with jewelry for sale is here: http://www.DebThumanArt.com

My Spoonflower shop is here: https://www.spoonflower.com/profiles/deb_thuman

Posted in Abstract Art, Photography

Hibernian Heritage Day

Posted on by debthumanblog

is dlíodóir atá ionam

Literally, it is a lawyer that is in me and would be the response to a question about what I do for a living. I believe language is a reflection of a culture. Gaelic is the language of a story teller.

Used to be, I thought St. Patrick’s Day was a great day if one was Irish and an excuse to get drunk if one was not. Then, when I was 34, I discovered I’m Scot-Irish. I was right; St. Patrick’s Day is a great day if one is Irish. The first St. Patrick’s Day I spent knowing I’m Irish was special. I celebrated who I am and who I always was. A friend and I ate at McGinty’s in Buffalo, NY. I had corned beef and cabbage. Once a year is about how often I can eat corned beef and cabbage. It’s not haute cuisine. I washed it down with Guinness. If I ever get to Ireland, the first thing I want to do is walk into a bar and order Guinness. I want to know if Guinness in the US tastes the same as Guinness in Ireland.

After surviving Moot Court in my second year of law school, Jim, Subrata – my moot court partner, and I celebrated at Sean Patrick’s. I should have figured out I wasn’t in an Irish restaurant when I read the house special in the menu: spaghetti. Still, I asked the waitress if they had Guinness. “No. What is that?” It should be a felony to try to pass your establishment off as Irish and not serve Guinness.

Last year, for the first time, I managed to make edible Irish soda bread. The other recipes I had tried were dense and salty. No, I don’t remember the recipe I used last year.

This is spring break, so Jim and I have the painting studio mostly to ourselves. I’ve finished up a self-portrait as viewed from the inside and I think I’ve finished a social commentary painting.

This is the self-portrait as viewed from the inside.

Social commentary.

It’s spring in the desert and the claret cup cactus is blooming.

I’m linking with Nina Marie here: https://ninamariesayre.blogspot.com/

My Spoonflower shop is here: https://www.spoonflower.com/profiles/deb_thuman

My store, Deb Thuman Art is here: http://www.DebThumanArt.com

Posted in Abstract Art, Garden

Spring And Stuff

Posted on by debthumanblog

Today, we spring forward. Bleah! I detest daylight savings time. Just when it’s starting to be light out when I have to get up, the time changes and I’m back to getting up in the dark. When it’s light out, my brain tells me it’s time to get up. When it’s dark out, my brain is convinced it’s the middle of the night. As for permanent daylight savings time….it’s like ripping off a bandage. Put it in place so people can see for themselves what a dumb idea it is – especially when their kids have to wait for the school bus in the dark – and then permanently get rid of it.

Spring in the desert is a little different from spring in the north east. No crocus. No tulips. No iris.

I’m not sure what this is, but it’s growing in the back yard.

Claret cup cactus buds. They should be open in about a week. There are several clumps of claret cup cacti in the yard, and each clump blooms at a different time.

I’ve been working on fabric designs.

I’m linking with Nina Marie here: https://ninamariesayre.blogspot.com/

My Spoonflower shop is here: https://www.spoonflower.com/profiles/deb_thuman

My store, Deb Thuman Art is here: http://www.DebThumanArt.com

Posted in Abstract Art, Judiasm, Photography

There Used To Be Magic

Posted on by debthumanblog

Mine is the last generation that will see magic in the night sky. Ancient people looked up at the sky, and saw stars arranged into constellations. Legends were created for these constellations. Escaping slaves followed the drinking gourd which pointed to the north star as they traveled along the underground railroad. The moon was made of green cheese. People counted, and some still do, time by the phases of the moon. There was a Man In The Moon. The night sky was filled with magic.

In July 1969, the magic died. The instant Neil Armstrong’s boot touched the surface of the moon, we exchanged magic for knowledge. We lost more than we gained.

I took Brady out to pee, and looked up. There was a smiling moon and a bright venus. I tried to put magic back into the night sky by making the moon out of green cheese.

Life. This one surprised me. Although it was not my conscious intention, there’s a Hebrew letter here. It’s called “shin” and the letter makes the sh sound. It’s also the first letter of one of our most important prayers and the letter that adorns a mezuzzah.

Gestation.

This is the first in a series of three paintings about life. When I was little, I tried hard to remember where I was before I was born. I couldn’t access the memory but I knew I existed before I was born. I eventually came to understand the concept of a soul. The soul exists long before conception and long after death.

Life.

Death.

I need to clean up the edges on this one.

I’m linking with Nina Marie here: https://ninamariesayre.blogspot.com/

My store is here: http://www.DebThumanArt.com

My Spoonflower shop is here: https://www.spoonflower.com/profiles/deb_thuman

Posted in Abstract Art, Fiber, Jewelry

Make The Room Stop Spinning

Posted on by debthumanblog

The vertigo continues and I’m disgusted with health care in Las Cruces. First, I had to wait 3 months to see and ENT. Next, I have to wait a month and a half to get balance testing and two months to see a nurse practitioner in a cardiologist’s office. Maybe someday, I’ll actually see the cardiologist. I’ve decided that the next time I have to make an appointment and I’m told to wait 3+ months, I’ll ask the person who answered the phone to recommend another specialist because I’m tired of farting around with this.

I now have a handicap hangtag. It’s difficult to push a walker between parked cars, and I need the extra space available in the handicap spots. One nice thing, I can now park anywhere at NMSU and I don’t have to buy a parking pass. I don’t even have to put money in a meter if I park in a metered lot.

I’ve been working on new fabric designs.

I got proofs back and put 168 new designs in my Spoonflower shop here: https://www.spoonflower.com/profiles/deb_thuman

I missed the eclipse, so I got a full moon shot the next night.

I’ve got new jewelry in my online store, Deb Thuman Art http://www.debthumanart.com

I’ve got two sunset photos that I may turn into paintings.

I know that looks like a red lake. It’s not. It’s a red sky.

My online store, Deb Thuman Art is here: http://www.DebThumanArt.com

My Spoonflower shop with 168 new designs is here: https://www.spoonflower.com/profiles/deb_thuman

I’m linking with Nina Marie here: http://ninamariesayre.blogspot.com

Posted in Abstract Art, Fiber, Quilts

Squiggles And Other Fun Stuff

Posted on by debthumanblog

I’ve been working on fabric designs. An app on my iPad allows me to sort of draw. I’ve made some designs based on traditional quilt blocks. 

That one was where I learned to remove the lines that guide where I put the colors.

This one I did without the annoying lines.

Other designs can best be described as finger painting. 

Some of the paint options I’ve got are metallic. I’ve no idea how those colors will work on cloth; I have to get a number of designs together so I can have them proofed. After that, they will go into my Spoonflower shop. 

I tried to make something that looks like the abstract painting I’ve been doing. So far, I haven’t gotten an abstract painting design that I like. One of the best things about these designs is they upload to Spoonflower a whole lot faster than my photographs. 

I’m linking with Nina Marie here: http://ninamariesayre.blogspot.com

My Spoonflower shop is here: https://www.spoonflower.com/profiles/deb_thuman

My on line store, Deb Thuman Art is here: http://www.DebThumanArt.com

Posted in Abstract Art, bipolar disorder, Mental Illness

Mental Illness, Paint Sticks, It All Works Out Sometimes

Posted on by debthumanblog

May is Mental Illness Awareness Month. You can celebrate by reading Mark Vonnegut’s “Just Like Someone Without Mental Illness Only More So.” Mark is Kurt Vonnegut’s son. He’s also bipolar and schizophrenic. And a pediatrician. 

Although I didn’t have Mental Illness Awareness Month in mind when I pitched this idea to my painting teacher, the final critique and my explanation of my painting to the class is on May 5. For years, I’ve wanted to create art that showed people what bipolar disorder felt like. Meanwhile, the rest of the class painted a post modern piece. Post modern is supposed to be about rebellion. I had considered calling my painting “What d’ya got?” That was Marlon Brando’s famous line from the movie, The Wild One. I realized most of my classmates were born after I went through menopause and I doubt any of them would understand the reference. Instead, I call the painting, Inside Deb’s Brain. 

I had something else in mind when I started the painting, but I think where I ended up is better than where I was aiming. I aimed at smooth transitions between each part of the painting. I can’t think of a single smooth part of bipolar disorder. My brain has a mind of its own and never consults me before deciding to be manic or depressed. 

I have synesthesia. Synesthesia is when two senses respond to one stimulus and there are many forms of synesthesia. There are people who smell words. Kandinsky heard music when he looked at a color. I see energy flows as colors. I only understand two of the colors – purple and golden white. Purple is healing energy. Golden white is Divine energy. The purple in the painting represents both healing and center – the nearly impossible to attain place where I’m neither manic nor depressive. Depression is below center. Manic is above center. The painting also shows a mixed episode. The last mixed episode I had nearly killed me. I was bouncing off the ceiling while deciding how, when and where to kill myself. The terrifying part is I had no clue I was depressed.

I wanted to show golden white Divine energy, but there’s no oil paint named golden white. Nor is there iridescent oil paint. I remembered I bought Sennelier oil pastels several years ago. The paint stick origin story I read was that Picasso wanted an oil paint that didn’t dry out, didn’t spill, didn’t need solvent, was portable, and could be used on all surfaces. He almost got what he wanted. I, and a whole lot of other fiber artists, discovered oil sticks and fabric are incompatible. We were told if we set the paint with a hot iron, the paint would be permanent. Nope. That resulted in a mess on the bottom of the iron, and paint that washed out of the fabric. Plus, the sunflower oil used to suspend the pigments bled into the surrounding fabric. And so the paint sticks sat in a drawer for many years. Until I remembered I had them and they could be used over oil paint. I decided to add iridescent gold to my bipolar painting. That almost worked. I learned it’s best to plan where to use the paint sticks before starting the painting. I learned other things while not getting the expected result. I found myself putting Divine energy throughout the painting rather than in the healing part. I realized there’s Divine energy no matter what I’m feeling, so there are inexpertly applied paint stick color throughout the painting. Moral: It’s Good To Be A Packrat. 

I am linking with Nina Marie here: http://ninamariesayre.blogspot.com

My Spoonflower shop is here: https://www.spoonflower.com/profiles/deb_thuman

Deb Thuman Art, my online store, is here: http://www.DebThumanArt.com

Posted in Abstract Art, bipolar disorder, Depression, Mental Illness, Psych meds, Sketchbook

Inside Deb’s Brain

Posted on by debthumanblog

Inside Deb’s brain is all manner of odd things.

My doctor knows I adjust the dosage of my antidepressant from time to time. Most of the time, I only need 100mg. When the depression gets bad, I go up to 150mg. When the depression is really bad, I go up to 200mg. Yesterday, I started with 150mg. When I felt dangerously close to suicidal, I took another 100mg for a total of 250mg. I’ve never taken that much before. 

If there’s a reason for my depression, antidepressants don’t do much. If the depression is a function of bipolar disorder, I need as much antidepressant as necessary to keep me above suicidal. A couple hours after I took the final dose, I felt normal. That’s how I know it was bipolar depression. My brain didn’t work properly. Why? Who knows? Certainly not the drug companies. Although they aggressively market selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, no one knows if there is an increase in the available serotonin. Or if any of the reuptake molecules are inhibited. 

It’s unsettling to live with a brain that has a mind of its own. To live with mood swings that aren’t caused by anything that is happening in my life. To constantly wonder if my reaction to something is a function of bipolar disorder or if “normal” people would react the way I’ve reacted. 

For years, I’ve wanted to do an art piece that shows what bipolar disorder feels like. So far, I’ve been unsuccessful. I’ve a final painting assignment for my painting class. We’re supposed to do something that’s post modern. I’ve talked with my teacher and I’m doing something that’s….I’m not sure what it is. I want to show what manic feels like. I want to show what depressed feels like. I want to show what the dreaded mixed episode – simultaneously manic and depressed – feels like. I want to show the thoughts that inhabit those episodes. 

The photo marked #1 is where the idea for the painting started. Using a brown sharpie, I wrote some of the crap my mother said to me. Using a blue sharpie, I wrote how I deal with that crap.  I thought about braiding the strips. Then I thought about sewing the strips onto fabric. I’m not sure what I will do with the strips. 

The photo marked #2 is a more or less final sketch of what the painting will look like. Most people who don’t live with a mental illness aren’t aware that there are levels of depression below suicidal. A depression so deep, you have to feel better in order to kill yourself. It sucks being that far down, but at least I’m safe there. With bipolar disorder, the choices for the mood swings are: Manic, Depressed, Mixed – where one is both manic and depressed. Mixed episodes suck.

I have a form of synesthesia. I see energy flows as colors. When I see purple flooding into my brain, I know I’m healing.

I’m linking with Nina Marie here: http://ninamariesayre.blogspot.com

My Spoonflower shop is here: https://www.spoonflower.com/profiles/deb_thuman

My on-line store, Deb Thuman Art, is here: http://www.DebThumanArt.com

Posted in Abstract Art, bipolar disorder, Mental Illness, Photography

Things Not Working Out As I Imagined

Posted on by debthumanblog

Odd bits of art this week. First, I got the self portraits done for my painting class.

This was the unrealistic realism painting. I suck at realism, but this has a goofiness that I kind of like.

Impasto.

Abstract. I have tried for ages to come up with art that looks like bipolar disorder feels. This doesn’t exactly accomplish that, but it’s closer than previous attempts. I’m bothered by everything being the same value.

I detested the optical illusion portrait, so I killed it and tried to show how a depressive episode feels. When I planned the two abstract portraits, I thought about paintings I had seen by Kandinsky and Kiefer. Not that anyone could tell by looking at my paintings…….

I’ve got at least one and possibly two more in this bipolar series – neither have been painted yet.

This is for my photography class. We had to insert a photo into another photo. We’re supposed to use photoshop, but I detest photoshop. It offers nothing that I don’t already have. Oddly, this photo stunt is easy to accomplish in Affinity. I started with a B&W photo of a part of the art building, and inserted a smiley moon in one window.

The original plan was to take B&W photos and insert a color photo. Except when I tried to insert a color photo of Brady, the color photo turned into B&W.

Artistic commentary on drought in the desert. I had to put an overlay onto the drinking fountain photo in order for the cactus to have any color.

Obviously I need to work on this idea a bit more.

I’m linking with Nina Marie here: http://ninamariesayre.blogspot.com

My Spoonflower shop is here: https://www.spoonflower.com/profiles/deb_thuman

My online store, Deb Thuman Art, is here: http://www.DebThumanArt.com

Posted in Abstract Art, Quilts

It Wasn’t On The Syllabus

Posted on by debthumanblog

I’m learning things in my painting class although none of what I’m learning is on the syllabus. I’m learning to see color better. I have to hold a piece of fabric up to the thread display to find thread that matches the fabric. I’ve marveled at those who can match thread and fabric from across the room. I can’t do that yet, but I am seeing subtle differences in colors. Or rather differences that are subtle to my eye. 

I’m learning who I am. For those who think finding oneself is done sometime between age 30 and age 40, it’s not. Finding oneself is a life-long journey. If it weren’t, I’d have found myself 40 years ago. 

The current assignment is four self-portraits done in four different forms – realistic, impasto, optical illusion, and abstract. The realistic painting isn’t realistic, but I kind of like it so I’m going to leave it as it is. The impasto painting was fun. Wild brush strokes. Lots of paint. Lots of fun.  The optical illusion one I detest. I’m not having fun. Even if I stood a half mile away, it would still look like a collection of lines with no focus. The abstract one is a revelation. The idea was to show how bipolar disorder feels. The unexpected side effect is a revelation.

I’m discovering I’m an abstract artist. I never thought of myself that way. I thought I couldn’t draw accurately so I’m a crappy artist. Nope. I’m an abstract artist. Looking back at my work completed during the last five years, I’ve discovered every piece is abstract. The pieces are about feelings rather than about depictions. My quilt about sexual assault is about rage. I started with a 3-D, life size, more or less anatomically correct portion of the female anatomy, and the emotion came roaring out of my hands.  My quilts about suicide are about grief, the long process of healing that grief, and trying to accept there is no answer to the critical question of why. My pandemic quilts are about depression and isolation. My biology quilts are about how I saw what I learned in my biology classes. The biology quilts are also about how I felt when I made them. My quilt about mass murder is a depiction of the will to live. There’s no way to depict any of that except as abstract art. 

I haven’t quilted Burying The Ghosts yet. It took so long to audition fabric, accept that what I had in mind wasn’t going to work, and redesign the piece. The entire concept is abstract. Or is it abstract realism? The emotion is real. The concept is abstract. Or maybe it’s life that is abstract.

Abstract pieces falling into place. 

I’m linking with Nina Marie here: http://ninamariesayre.blogspot.com

My Spoonflower shop is here: https://www.spoonflower.com/profiles/deb_thuman

My store, Deb Thuman Art, is here: http://www.DebThumanArt.com