Month: March 2022

Posted in Abstract Art, bipolar disorder, Mental Illness, Photography

Things Not Working Out As I Imagined

Posted on by debthumanblog

Odd bits of art this week. First, I got the self portraits done for my painting class.

This was the unrealistic realism painting. I suck at realism, but this has a goofiness that I kind of like.

Impasto.

Abstract. I have tried for ages to come up with art that looks like bipolar disorder feels. This doesn’t exactly accomplish that, but it’s closer than previous attempts. I’m bothered by everything being the same value.

I detested the optical illusion portrait, so I killed it and tried to show how a depressive episode feels. When I planned the two abstract portraits, I thought about paintings I had seen by Kandinsky and Kiefer. Not that anyone could tell by looking at my paintings…….

I’ve got at least one and possibly two more in this bipolar series – neither have been painted yet.

This is for my photography class. We had to insert a photo into another photo. We’re supposed to use photoshop, but I detest photoshop. It offers nothing that I don’t already have. Oddly, this photo stunt is easy to accomplish in Affinity. I started with a B&W photo of a part of the art building, and inserted a smiley moon in one window.

The original plan was to take B&W photos and insert a color photo. Except when I tried to insert a color photo of Brady, the color photo turned into B&W.

Artistic commentary on drought in the desert. I had to put an overlay onto the drinking fountain photo in order for the cactus to have any color.

Obviously I need to work on this idea a bit more.

I’m linking with Nina Marie here: http://ninamariesayre.blogspot.com

My Spoonflower shop is here: https://www.spoonflower.com/profiles/deb_thuman

My online store, Deb Thuman Art, is here: http://www.DebThumanArt.com

Posted in Abstract Art, Quilts

It Wasn’t On The Syllabus

Posted on by debthumanblog

I’m learning things in my painting class although none of what I’m learning is on the syllabus. I’m learning to see color better. I have to hold a piece of fabric up to the thread display to find thread that matches the fabric. I’ve marveled at those who can match thread and fabric from across the room. I can’t do that yet, but I am seeing subtle differences in colors. Or rather differences that are subtle to my eye. 

I’m learning who I am. For those who think finding oneself is done sometime between age 30 and age 40, it’s not. Finding oneself is a life-long journey. If it weren’t, I’d have found myself 40 years ago. 

The current assignment is four self-portraits done in four different forms – realistic, impasto, optical illusion, and abstract. The realistic painting isn’t realistic, but I kind of like it so I’m going to leave it as it is. The impasto painting was fun. Wild brush strokes. Lots of paint. Lots of fun.  The optical illusion one I detest. I’m not having fun. Even if I stood a half mile away, it would still look like a collection of lines with no focus. The abstract one is a revelation. The idea was to show how bipolar disorder feels. The unexpected side effect is a revelation.

I’m discovering I’m an abstract artist. I never thought of myself that way. I thought I couldn’t draw accurately so I’m a crappy artist. Nope. I’m an abstract artist. Looking back at my work completed during the last five years, I’ve discovered every piece is abstract. The pieces are about feelings rather than about depictions. My quilt about sexual assault is about rage. I started with a 3-D, life size, more or less anatomically correct portion of the female anatomy, and the emotion came roaring out of my hands.  My quilts about suicide are about grief, the long process of healing that grief, and trying to accept there is no answer to the critical question of why. My pandemic quilts are about depression and isolation. My biology quilts are about how I saw what I learned in my biology classes. The biology quilts are also about how I felt when I made them. My quilt about mass murder is a depiction of the will to live. There’s no way to depict any of that except as abstract art. 

I haven’t quilted Burying The Ghosts yet. It took so long to audition fabric, accept that what I had in mind wasn’t going to work, and redesign the piece. The entire concept is abstract. Or is it abstract realism? The emotion is real. The concept is abstract. Or maybe it’s life that is abstract.

Abstract pieces falling into place. 

I’m linking with Nina Marie here: http://ninamariesayre.blogspot.com

My Spoonflower shop is here: https://www.spoonflower.com/profiles/deb_thuman

My store, Deb Thuman Art, is here: http://www.DebThumanArt.com

Posted in Brady, Depression, Memories, Mental Illness, Peripheral neuropathy, Photography

Another Day, Another Anniversary

Posted on by debthumanblog

For me, March is a month of anniversaries. 

March 5, 2012 was the day I was finally correctly diagnosed: bipolar disorder. Suddenly, my life made sense. 

March 9, 2021 was the day ketamine banished a bone-crushing depression.

March 13, 2020 was the day New Mexico shut down. I’ve had insomnia ever since. 

March 20, 2018 was the day I realized the reason I formulated a detailed plan to commit suicide was depression. It was also the day I decided to live and immediately went back on an antidepressant.

This past week was spring break. This past week was frustrating. This past week was, and still is, painful. I’m having a neuropathy flare up bad enough to keep me home rather than going in to school and working on the four self-portraits assigned in my painting class. I am significantly behind working on those paintings and fear I won’t have them done by the day they are due. The grade doesn’t matter because I’m not working towards another degree. What matters is having the work done on time, and it won’t be. I am embarrassed by this.

We are working on still lives in the photography class. This is part of what I handed in. 

Home made abortion tools; it’s a political statement.

Auditioning fabric.

Dead Life.

I rarely use live view, but I used it for this photo. I was setting up another shot, looked down, and saw what the camera “saw.” It was more interesting than the shot I had planned.

Peace. It’s my palate for my painting class. When I’m in the Art Zone, neuropathy pain disappears, the world disappears, I forget to use the bathroom. I love being in the Art Zone.

Cheshire moon. I love taking shots of a less than full moon. I wasn’t steady enough to set up the tripod and use the 150-600mm lens. The marijuana I use to combat neuropathy pain leaves me stoned and walking into walls. I used the 18-400mm lens that was on the camera.

I worked on turning some photos into fabric designs. Eventually, I’ll have them in my Spoonflower shop. 

I’m linking with Nina Marie here: http://ninamariesayre.blogspot.com

My Spoonflower shop is here: https://www.spoonflower.com/profiles/deb_thuman

My store, Deb Thuman Art, is here: http://www.DebThumanArt.com