Month: October 2020

Posted in bipolar disorder, Depression

How Do You Politely Tell Someone To Fuck Off?

Posted on by debthumanblog

I received a newsletter this morning and I haven’t figured out how to respond. Part of the newsletter was about coping during a pandemic. When the organization first sent out email wanting to know about how people are coping with covid, I responded by email saying it’s important to understand that as difficult as a pandemic is for most people, it’s far worse for those of us who have a mental illness.

I was ignored.

Here’s what I feel like saying: Listen dumb ass, if you think you’re coping with isolation, grief and feeling alone, how do you think I feel sitting here knowing you think less of me and that I’m only worthy of being ignored because I’m bipolar? I’m alone, isolated, depressed, and stuck with your prejudices. I didn’t choose to be bipolar. You chose to be cruel. How dare you pretend to care about people when the only people you care about are people who don’t cause you to confront your own bigotry.

Here’s what I said: ????? I haven’t yet figured out how to respond.

I don’t live in the closet because I refuse to be ashamed of an illness I didn’t choose and can’t escape. I can, and do, medicate my illness. I can, and do, tell others that medication doesn’t cure bipolar disorder, it only dulls bipolar disorder. I can learn to more or less cope with being mentally ill. I cannot, and will not, accept the bigotry, stupidity and ignorance of others. Law school taught me to say in four paragraphs what anyone else would say in two words. As much as I would love to tell the person who wrote the article in the newsletter to fuck off, I will refrain. It wouldn’t do any good.

Bipolar disorder makes everything larger than life. My emotional responses are larger than life. I’ve been told I give people the feeling they need to back up about three feet just so they can breathe. I’ve been told I scare the hell out of people. Do you think I like being told those things? Do you think I don’t notice or feel pain because you view me as different? Ostracizing me hurts. Both of us. It wounds me, but it hurts you because you’re missing out on knowing some amazing people just because you’re a bigot. That’s right. You’re a bigot. Or did you think bigotry only involved racism?

I am hurt. I am pissed. I am alone. I am unable to think of a solution.

Posted in anxiety, Baking, Jewelry, Photography

Ouch. Cough. Insomnia. Photography

Posted on by debthumanblog

After a week of touring Dallas and Ft. Worth, my roasting pan finally arrived. A week after Bed, Bath & Beyond said it would be delivered. I’m not interested in making a roast; I’m interested in making creme caramel and I needed a pan deep enough that I could have hot water 3/4 of the way up the side of the custard cups. And so I set out to make creme caramel. I gave myself a second-degree burn working with the caramel – which I burnt. My copay for a visit to the emergency room is $275. I can think of a whole lot of other things I’d rather spend $275 on than sitting around an emergency room waiting for someone to tell me what I already know. Instead, I put lidocaine on the burn and put a bandage over it. It’s an interesting experience trying to temper eggs when working with only one and a half hands. The custard part of the creme caramel came out really nice. The caramel part taught me I need to use a candy thermometer rather than try to guess when the caramel is just right.

This damn pandemic better end soon. The insomnia is killing me. I will fall asleep at a more or less reasonable hour two nights in a row, then the insomnia is back and I’m up until 4:00 AM. Bleah. This has been going on long enough for the extreme anxiety to feel normal.

I need a haircut, but that’s not going to happen for a few months. New Mexico is now a hotspot and the county I live is is one of the hottest spots in the state. We’re setting records for new covid-19 infections at least once a week. It’s terrifying. So I will live with shaggy hair for several weeks. Or longer.

The air quality here has been terrible for weeks. All the particulates from the wildfires are blowing through and causing me to have an allergic reaction. Finally, in desperation, I went outside yesterday to do some photography. Fortunately, the air quality was better than it had been. I started the pandemic photographing spring in the desert. That morphed into photographing the desert in the summer. Now, I’m working on photographing the desert as it dies back to be dormant for the next six months.

The few flowers on the desert sage bushes are tiny. The leaves are turning yellow.

Some of the desert plants don’t seem to understand what time of year it is. This is a blossom on a red yucca that should have stopped blooming four months ago.

Last night, for the first time in weeks, we had a colorful sunset and I went out to photograph it. I got distracted by the cottontail that was willing to hold still long enough for me to get a few decent bunny shots.

After the bunny left, I documented the sunset.

One of the editing programs I use is Photoscape X. Much of the program is free, and $40 unlocks all the bells and whistles. The other day, Photoscape issued an update. Wow! Do I have bells and whistles!

Here’s the original shot of a seed pod on a red yucca.

That was so much fun, I played with another shot.

The original shot.

I’m working on turning these into fabric designs. My Spoonflower shop is here: https://www.spoonflower.com/profiles/deb_thuman

Cohen holding still long enough for me to get a more or less decent shot of her. Usually The Deranged Ones hide when I grab the camera.

I’ve been working with some of the beads I bought last month when we took a tiny trip to Albuquerque and I’ve been putting necklaces into my store, Deb Thuman Art, here: http://www.DebThumanArt.com

I’m linking with Nina Marie here: http://ninamariesayre.blogspot.com

Posted in Beads, Fiber, Jewelry, Photography, Quilts

Beads & A Quilt Idea

Posted on by debthumanblog

I’m taking a human physiology class from one of my favorite teachers. This is the third class I’ve taken from her. For some reason, her classes trigger quilt ideas. No quilt ideas have come from any other class I’ve ever taken. When I took neurobiology from her, I made two quilts about nerves.

Someday, I’ll bind this one.

When I took animal physiology from her, I made a mitochondria quilt.

Now, I’ve got a human physiology quilt floating in my brain.

When I was in college for real, I majored in biology. I would lay awake at night trying to figure out how water crossed the cell membrane. I loved botany. Had I gone to grad school instead of law school, I would have been a botanist. Now, I’m in college for fun. I take classes that interest me and I’m not working towards another degree. I can’t get another degree; I’m out of wall space.

As I was reading the textbook for my human physiology class, I saw something astounding. There are junctions between human cells that closely resemble junctions between plant cells. I’ve never seen structural overlap like that before. That’s what triggered the quilt idea. The soft idea floating in my head features representations of the parts of biology and the parts of my class that mean the most to me. I need to do some sketching.

In the UFO category, I still haven’t made quilt basting spray which means I still haven’t quilted the suicide quilt although I’ve got a firm idea of how I want to quilt it.

I’ve been working on photographing necklaces I’ve made and putting those necklaces for sale in my store, Deb Thuman Art which you can find here: http://www.DebThumanArt.com

I woke up in pain yesterday. Only one thing to do when that happens – grab the camera, go outside, and start shooting.

I woke up about an hour after sunrise, so I got some interesting light.

The agave that bloomed two years ago still hasn’t died. We didn’t cut the stalk down, and the stalk is now woody and it has become a perch on which birds watch for predators. These are dove.

I’m linking with Nina Marie here: http://ninamariesayre.blogspot.com

My Spoonflower shop is here: https://www.spoonflower.com/profiles/deb_thuman