I started working on the suicide quilt. Art is a way for me to get the feelings I don’t understand out from inside me. Sometimes, the feelings start to make sense while I’m working on the piece. It has been more than a year since someone I knew committed suicide; I still haven’t worked through all the feelings.
I’ve been documenting spring in the desert as it appears in my yard. Cheap gas, and no place to go.
Now for a few words about a day I dread each year. I detest mother’s day. I grew up in a house run by a pair of violent drunks who thought they were adults. The most appropriate gift I gave my mother was a Venus flytrap. The most appropriate gift I gave myself was to eliminate that woman from my life. I refuse to lie to myself and celebrate having her for a mother.
I chose not to have children and I’ve never regretted that choice. It’s not easy to swim upstream. I spent 20 years listening to people demand I have children. I could never bring myself to tell these people something pithy like: I can’t have children. If I did, ignorant people like you wouldn’t be able to make disgusting comments like the one you just made. I did tell one ignorant person that there’s more to life than changing diapers and wiping snotty noses. I did finally tell someone that I have worth and value but I could win the Pulitzer Prize and she still wouldn’t think I was successful merely because I didn’t produce a child. Turning 40 was wonderful because they finally shut up. Mother’s Day accompanied by flowers and syrupy poetry is horrible if you don’t have children whether it is by choice or by uncooperative biology. It’s even worse if you had a horrible mother. Combine the two, and the day is nearly unbearable.
What to do to survive Mother’s Day? I can celebrate having the courage to make an unpopular choice.
I’m linking with Nina Marie http://ninamariesayre.blogspot.com
My store, Deb Thuman Art is here: http://www.DebThumanArt.com
My Spoonflower store is here: https://www.spoonflower.com/profiles/deb_thuman
Deb's Art 